Thursday, December 15, 2005

Now they want me to blowdry my ass
New Toilet

Men's Room.....Ladies Room....Chicks with Dicks Room....
Transvestite Restrooms

And it continues...
I'm almost to the end of Cookie Inferno. In the event of a tidal wave, I can currently build an entire new home out of gingerbread and sugar cookies.



Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Just to clear up any discrepancies…
This is not my house


Script = Done
Ninja Grandaughter and I, after months of hating our main characters, finished our screenplay. We don’t even hate our characters anymore. Nor did we have to resort to having them eaten by zombies. Much rejoicing commenced.

Blogging returns, albeit briefly
Been busy due to the start of the Festivus season, yet I have things relatively under control. And when I say, “relatively” under control, it means I have made it to Stage Three of Cookie Inferno.

Perhaps you aren’t aware how important Christmas cookies are to my family. My Christmas dinner consists of 9 members. We are a relatively small group, therefore one would assume not much fuss needs to be made. Yet, for some undetermined reason, in a cumulative effort between my mother and my grandmother, we end up with 23 different types of Christmas cookies on our dinner table. I have made the mistake in the past of asking WHY this is….perhaps some grave educational misstep in their multiplication tables training…but I scarcely lived to tell the tale. Apparently, I am simply forced to believe that a cookie countage of 5,687 is a perfectly reasonable estimate for 9 people. Professional Brain Washers could learn a lot from my family.

So last year, Mom was very busy and had to decrease the number of cookies she made to somewhere in the low 3,000s. Therefore, as I am one of the 9 who has ovaries and could be made to feel guilty about the 36-hour labor she went through to birth me four days after Christmas, I was tapped into play. I foolishly agreed to make four different kinds of Christmas cookies, assuming this was a one-time deal, and I’d never ever have to bake them again.

So currently I’m on my sixth batch of Christmas cookies.

I don’t remember why I’m making them per se….something about being told The Cookie Balance MUST be maintained (I may have been strapped to a table wearing only oven mitts and electrodes, too. For some reason I can’t remember the details). All I do know is that if I do any more late night runs for butter and sugar, the people at Foodmaster are going to conclude that I am building my own Stay-Puft Marshmallow man to bring about the end of humanity.

Not that I’m not doing that, anyway...