DEJENNERATE.COM BLOG

OK, I'm over it
The whole contest thing anyway. I've stopped randomly going into cringes (for those who left the Tourettes' pamphlets on my desk, thank you for the concern). I'm not sure exactly what took me so long, but I think I was just in one of my moods. And call me a masochist...I may just go back next Thursday.

Call your bookies
Bets are being taken for the next Pope

Dejennerate - giving you the latest in homosexual, penguin sex
Swedish temptress penguins fail to attract new mates at German zoo

Well, really, sheer probability says there has to be one SOMEWHERE
Bush finds a fan in Slovakia

And a happy B-day wish
To my wittle brother, Mike. He turns 25 today, which really only means that he can get affordable car insurance. Yay to age discrimination!

posted by Jenn @ 7:28 AM  

Holy shit
In the immortal words of friend Ku, "That was like comedy necrophilia."

It was just...
I just simply do not know where the hell to begin. It was a bar full of people who didn't know they were at a comedy show --nor did they particularly want to be at one. Not one comic even did remotely well, and some of us were really trying. It felt like an open mike in a sports' bar during a big game, instead of a network contest. This really wasn't the bar's fault because it's not a place that is condusive to comedy. But still. Oh my fucking god. I'll be cringing thinking of that show for a really, really long time.

But thank god for awesome co-workers
Who all tried to really make me feel better about the horrible, horrible evening....especially whoever it was who bought me my second jumbo tequila sunrise (Bill? Al? Have no real clue. One tends to become clueless when one drinks two tequila sunrises after one has not eaten for 10 hours). Special props to Planful Philip who spent the better part of "the-night-after-the-set-I-want-to-forget" keeping me entertained with tales of wine-tasting, gay-bar Cosmopolitans, and bananas (not necessarily in that order). Unfortunately, I can't decide whether he was really, really funny or I was really, really tipsy. I'm kinda leaning toward the latter as I was certainly making way too many dick references during the conversation even for a comic.

But, one thing is clear...
I better have a good show this weekend. Otherwise, I'm becoming a mime.

posted by Jenn @ 12:18 AM  

Very short blog today
Because the Comedy Central thing is today and I'm preoccupied with freaking out. Not at the whole "contest" per se....but more so at the fact that a whole gaggle of friends who have never seen me do comedy are seeing me perform today. Um, in a bar which ...I've heard.....tends to have not-so-receptive audiences. And I'm doing some of my smartest-but-risky material. And I re-wrote my middle bit to make it tighter, but don't know if I really know the tighter version. Oh, and did I mention that this bit is the most risky thing in my act?

What...me worry?

Oh, and adrenaline is not my friend.
Every time I'm actually nervous or jittery before a show (which, thankfully, happens once a year, tops), the "fight-or-flight" response does NOTHING to help me because I become self-conscious, therefore can not sell my material with the confidence I usually do, and therefore fuck up my timing a great deal. My best shows come when I'm almost completely relaxed. So on top of everything I get to be nervous about being nervous, which strikes me as slightly counterproductive.

But thankfully, the words of the Flying Nun offer comfort
My friend, Jan (ex-nun turned comic), has often said, "Don't do it for the audience....do it for you." I'm sure this phrase has meditation-like effects providing you don't know half the audience.

So I'm planning on anchoring myself
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and bi-hourly shots of Jose Cuervo - the stress management combo of champions.

posted by Jenn @ 12:10 PM  

Horror Bonanza
So a couple friends from Buffalo are up here for a visit and they decided to stop over yesterday. As we are all members of Those Who Went To Film School, we watched movies. Because, you know, it’s not like I have a sitcom to write or anything. As we are also Those Who Like People Who Jump Out of the Bushes With an Ax, we decided to watch horror movies. You know, good horror. Otherwise known as Horror Not From America.

Now, there are only two groups of people who I will allow myself to watch a horror movie with: Those Who Are Stand-Up Comics and Those Who Get Scared Very Easily. My Buffalo friends fall in the latter, which I find most amusing since –as I’ve mention many times before – I have absolutely no suspension of disbelief. Therefore, I’m not one who covers her eyes, screams, or clings on to the token hot guy next to me, because, you see, I know it’s fake. But I get to make fun of those who do, even when they are guy friends. No, especially when they are guy friends. Like, say, my Buffalo friends.

So, we decided to watch Ringu. You may know Ringu from the more popular remake, The Ring, which annoys me on several levels. Not that I don’t think it is a good remake – it is, and I even own a copy of it – but many people saw the remake prior to seeing Ringu and don’t understand why Ringu is The Scariest Movie Ever. When I saw Ringu in an indie theater several years ago, people were literally walking out of the theater because they couldn’t take it. The rest had some sort of myocardial infarction at some point during the climax. Even I flinched, and more than once. But those who saw The Ring first -- or even heard about the “climax” -- don’t understand this because all the parts that made Ringu The Scariest Movie Ever were done to moderate effectiveness in The Ring. And that tends to put a damper on the shock value when you see them to maximum effectiveness in Ringu. But Buffalo friends did not yet see The Ring, so we were in for a fun, fun evening.

Now for one, Ringu is scarier than The Ring by default because the girl is much, much creepier as she has this inverted eye thing going. The Ring directors chose to simply hide her face with her hair like, say, Cousin It. Though this was effective, I would likely be a little more disturbed to find Girl With Inverted Eyes than Cousin It in my bedroom. But that’s just me. Apparently my friends found it more disturbing as well, as one of them, who shall rename nameless, spent the majority of the movie with his head under the cover of my feather comforter. I’m pretty sure he would not have had the same response to Cousin It.

We decided to watch The Grudge after, a remake I actually enjoy almost as much as the original. And the reason we decided to watch it is due to the fact that I have no light bulbs in my hallway. This is not usually an issue, but my hallway leads to my bedroom, and I have no light switch in my bedroom (just a desk lamp on the other side of the room). Normally, I turn on the hall light just so I can see enough into my bedroom, so I won’t decapitate myself over the random clothing basket, and turn on the desk light. Now that I have no benefit of the hall light (and the hall light is a real pain in the ass to change – it involves a screwdriver – and hence, I have not changed it yet), I have to go into the bedroom in the dark. And for whatever reason, I have this fleeting image of hearing those throaty-zombie-sounds from The Grudge, turn on the light, and find one of The Grudge zombies in my bed. This thought doesn’t really frighten me; it’s more like a passive, random thought much like “I have to go pick up some milk.” But unfortunately I told my Buffalo friends this and they –seeking some form of revenge for traumatizing them with Ringu -- made a point to come into my bedroom all night making deep throaty sounds, which – as you might imagine – impedes with one’s sleep cycle.

So today I’m just planning on traumatizing them to the point of incoherence, so I can get some sleep. I’m thinking Men Behind the Sun might be a good choice or Evil Dead Trap. If that doesn’t work, I’ll bust out Sleepy Hollow High or Halloween: Resurrection. The type of trauma is not important at this point.

posted by Jenn @ 6:16 AM  

Welcome to Just Before 2:00 a.m.
We here at dejennerate bring you yet another time you probably have never seen, unless of course you are an ax murderer or, again, still fucking. We realize both scenarios are quite unlikely, especially with it being a work night and all.

Writer/Comic Whining Alert
So I've just recently come to the conclusion that I am just not going to be completely happy regardless what I accomplish. I get "the call" from "the network" that is considering "the sitcom." They want to see two more scripts for "the sitcom" before they make their decision. When I heard that, I decided that no matter what the verdict is, I will not be completely content. If it's neigh, I go back to square one. If it's a yay, I uproot myself yet again, just when I was starting to make Boston my stand-up comedy homebase. Honestly? Neither scenario sits well with me. It's either the want-it-all philosophy taking hold, or that old saying, "If you have ever been hungry, you'll never be full." Or I'm a pompous, conceited assclown. That works too.

Well, OK.... "yay" would be a little cooler.

And, um, two scripts in a week?
I should point out that I am not capable of marathon-writing like friend Gene whom --in my observation --seems capable of writing the equivalent of a S-volume of an encyclopedia in one afternoon. That requires too much focus for the likes of me, especially when Law and Order, South Park, or random infomercials featuring Ronco are potentially on. Oh, and this week is quite hellish for stand-up as there is that little teeny, tiny, Comedy Central contest Thursday which I have to be at least mildly alert for. I may have to take many-a-writer's-advice and invest in a #10 can of Red Bull. I also hear caffeine enemas are quite popular.

Now I ask you, why does a true statement need to be clarified?
Chris Rock clarifies comment that "No straight men watch the Oscars"

Shameless pimp
Charlie Hatton - comic to the stars. Or at least to people named Boober.

posted by Jenn @ 1:13 AM  

Retards on Ebay strike back
Ohio State Student Puts School President up for Auction

A new definition for the term "floater"
Severed penis found in toilet

Back at The Backside
Yeah, I'm back there tonight and Joe, The Cable Guy will be there taping us again. Which means I have to do different material or hope everyone in Marshfield has end-stage dementia. Shit.

And all this fame, fortune, and extra television exposure is really cool and all that
But seriously? I'm just counting the hours until I can have a Backside calzone. Which sounds like a synonym for an anal orgy.

posted by Jenn @ 12:05 PM  

The Tribe Variety Show
Oh my God....this was so much fun. The Tribe --which I wrongly called "a comedy troupe" -- is a group that gives stage time to local comedy troupes hence forming one big o' tribe of comedy troupes. On Friday nights, they have a comedy troupe go on for about 45 minutes, they take an intermission, and then have a variety show. However, the variety show is a parody of a 1940's - 50's televised variety show with "judges", who are just 3 improv actors playing ridiculous characters...which is really a cool little concept and quite funny as well. I ended up with an 8 out of 10...not enough to win the evening (I hear comics pretty much never win as they strive to get a "unique talent" to win), but a decent showing in its own right. The cover is only $5 and it's at Buzz Boston. I recommend the show highly. I can't wait to do it again.

Movie Quote of the Day
"Tell me....are you a Mexican or a Mexi-can't?"
--Johnny Depp, Once Upon a Time in Mexico

Dispatches from Jenn's Netflix Queue
Amelie - Has anyone seen this yet? Holy crap. What a quirky, funny little flick. The movie is all in French with English subtitles which is really not a problem unless you are dramatically opposed to the concept of reading. Honestly, with the exception of Japanese horror as it is so fucking far above the inferior American brand of horror, I don't tolerate subtitles well. But in this flick? I barely even noticed. Why? The action was engaging. I never knew where the director was going to go but wherever he went was positively hilarious. Picture Napoleon Dynamite meets Being John Malkovich in 2001: A Space Odyssey and throw in whatever potion they added to the film reel to make Pink Floyd's: The Wall weird. This is the most creative flick I've seen in a damn long time and beats out whatever flicks I've named in earlier blogs. Add it to your Netflix queue, or I'm hacking in and adding it for you. Well, maybe not as hacking is illegal. And I, um, don't know how to do it. But don't force me add it via telepathy, especially as I'll probably end up bending all your kitchen spoons in the process. And that will lead to awkward silences around the breakfast table.

posted by Jenn @ 5:37 PM  

Fabulous night at The Wellness Community
I must admit I was a little leery when I heard I was going to be doing comedy for a room of people with cancer, as my brain reverted back to the basic comic theorem of:

Potentially terminal disease + life forms capable of dying = 0 Ha-ha’s

Seriously? It was one of the best audiences I’ve been in front of in a while. I gotta give Neil serious kudos for seeing the potential there. The audience was receptive, warm, and eager to laugh, the workers were great, and we got free food…the latter of course being the selling point. And all the dong-bearing comics who performed with me also had great sets of jovialities.

So, that made me the token vagina of the evening
And in hindsight, I should have had Neil introduce me as such. It’s not as good as my standard EVOS introduction of “She knows the softer side of prison rape…”, but a worthy prelude in its own right.

And Jenn-o-rama continues tonight
With The Tribe – a stellar comedy troupe. Show starts at 8:00 if any of you happen to end up on Stuart Street for whatever reason.

posted by Jenn @ 11:58 AM  

Dejennerate.com, always bringing you the latest in random rips in time
So here I am at 3:30 a.m. So, in case you have never experienced 3:30 a.m., this is proof that it actually exists.

Yet another headline I thought I'd never see
Defecating Pandas Expand Their Horizons

And you should see his sexual harassment policy....
Man Shoots at Late-Arriving Workers

And here's Grandma's diamond ring...and pearl necklace...and vulva...
Funeral Home accidentally ships loved one's organs to family

Two shows tonight
I'm doing a show for The Wellness Community in Newton at 7:00 and Puglieses in Cambridge at 8:45. Creative driving tactics will be utilized.

Next week: Jenn-o-rama
Monday I am at The Backside which will again be taped for cable AND The Patriot Ledger is coming to do an article about little ol' me. Tuesday I'm hearing about my sitcom. And just to round things off, Thursday I'm doing a first round of a contest for Comedy Central and a bunch of my frineds who have never seen me do comedy are coming that night. Because, you know, I don't have enough stress that week.

posted by Jenn @ 3:22 AM  

Gene, this is for you.
The S.A.T.s - The Superhero Aptitude Test

Hair revelation
So I went to EVOS last night for the comic extravaganza. The audience was downright hostile. In fact after a Foxwoods joke, one of the audience members, exclaimed "I took a gamble thinking I was going to laugh tonight." Which I would have found funny....if it came before my set. But considering the night, I did fine. But I also kept my five minutes completely in the gutter which is where people in Lowell are used to residing.

Anyway, the most important part of the night occurred well before my show. I'm of course talking about my hair. As it was EVOS, and Kris (who runs the room) has certainly seen me in worse stats of affairs (read: The Comedy Studio drinking binge, circa last Wednesday), I simply sported the ponytail-tucked-in-the-scrunchie-so-it-looks-like-a-really-crappy-bun coif. 'Cause, you know, that's a sexy look. So when I arrived home sometime post-witching hour, I simply collapsed on my futon without undoing this presumably intricate follicle formation. Little did I know that this scrunchie-imposed cocoon was actually a catalyst for Mane Metamorphosis. As soon as I broke the seal on the scrunchie cocoon this morning, my typical flat hair transfigured itself into bouncy-wavy-could-possibly-be-on-a-Bond-Girl's-head hair. And how I "oooo"ed. And how I awed. Just thought I'd share.

In hindsight
I was thinking about ending this with an Herbal Essence - orgasm reference, but remembered how hack it would be.

posted by Jenn @ 12:18 PM  

Yeah, so
I'm just going to do my blogs at random times of day when most of you who seem to insist on sleeping aren't generally coherent for. For instance, it is now 12:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning, post Valentines Day. I'm betting most of you are sleeping. Or perhaps, still fucking. If it's the latter, sorry for the interruption. Please proceed.

Pop Quiz, Hot Shot
Dog Toy or Marital Aid?

Ewwwwwww...
I just quoted Speed. I feel all icky now.

Dispatches from the Cantab
So as I am the hopeless romantic, I spent Heart Day at an comedy open mic in the basement of a Cambridge Jazz club....which, really, is the place that Valentine's dreams are made of. It was a chock-full-o'-goodness, rock-n-roller comedy extravaganza! And I actually had a pretty decent set...or at least our audience member thought so.

And the Open Mic New England Tour continues tonight at Evos
Which has really become one of my more favorite open mics lately as they actually get an audience, and it's one of the few places you can hear the opening number of a porno musical.

posted by Jenn @ 12:00 AM  

No funny intro needed
Hungry Man Holds up Store, Demands Sushi

Got drugs?
I currently have Toothache From Hell, which one comes to expect when one incorporates a half-box of gummi bears into one's daily diet. The problem? My dentist is closed Mondays because he is open on weekends, which would have been convenient if my tooth decided to throw a hissy fit, say, yesterday. But until my 8:00 a.m. appointment tomorrow, I'm left to choose between multiple toothache/OTC pain medications that have little to no effectiveness against a tooth that is hellbent on rotting out of one's head or several servings of champagne and a very large wrench. Right now? I'm betting on the toolbox.

So short blog today
As I am not feeling very amusing with the whole migraine-like pain and all. And I got a show tonight at Cantab. I'm sure I'll be a beacon of light-heartedness.

New Classic Horror review
See me dish about Open Water. It's probably one of my most well-written reviews, and it's for sure one of the only reviews of mine that does not mention Chris Lee's ass.

Oh yeah, and Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

posted by Jenn @ 12:09 PM  

On the repressive tails of the "no smoking ban outside of work"
Man fired over inappropriate beer choice

Um....I guess he failed
Student runs over Drivers' Ed Teacher

What happens in Chilly Willy's igloo should stay in his igloo
Gay penguins spark protest

And this could be the first time this combination of words was used
Actor Tom Siezemore failed drug test with fake penis
The fake penis is called "The Whizzinator" which, of course, is an organ more commonly found on The Terminator.

posted by Jenn @ 8:49 AM  

My debut on The Marshfield Tonight Show
Well, my comedy was shown on Marshfield cable last night, and I just want to give a shout-out to Chrissy and Joe, The Cable Guy for doing a great job. It looked great. Not to mention, Chrissy makes a mean salsa dip, which is really the most important part of viewing oneself on basic cable.

And I learned something about myself...
I look like a sexy bitch on a basic cable camera. Picture Rosemary Clooney starring in The Benny Hill Story. I looked half as attractive as that. And regardless what color the comic's hair actually was, it looked out dark, dark brown on camera. So hopefully we'll start a new hair trend with our comedy groupies. For our next performance, I request everyone in Marshfield sports shit-brown hair and sings Rosemary Clooney songs (musical accompaniment will be provided, if needed).

Seinfeld was wrong
Large Male Genital Snow Sculpture Causes Stir
Apparently, shrinkage is a myth.

On a side note, my brother lives in Binghamton, and I'm currently betting that this was in his yard.

posted by Jenn @ 12:27 PM  

Yay! A new phrase for my lexicon!
Sherry enemas
"He did coffee enemas, he did Castile soap, Ivory soap," she said. "He had enema recipes."
Which really is an untapped cookbook market.

North Korea has nukes? Pfft! There are stories about drunk birds crashing into glass to report!

Just an interesting choice of words...
Droopy pants bill dropped

Firms ban smoking for employees, even off the job
This really, really annoys me, and I'm not even a smoker. And some employers are going to the lengths of random screenings? I'm not even a fan of random drug tests, but I can understand the need in certain situations like, say, your administrative assistant comes in wearing a stolen paisley shower curtain, a stainless steel ice bucket on her head, and carrying a bottle of Jim Bean. In that case, a drug test would at least be mildly warranted. Smoking should not be lumped in this category as there is one major difference between drugs and smokes - drugs are currently illegal, and smoking is not.

Now in some cases this ban would be warranted -- like if one was a smoking cessation specialist or whatnot. But for the majority of occupations, the fact remains that being a smoker does not impair one's job, where as the tipsy administrative assistant described earlier would have at least some minor problems completing her To Do List. Yet some of these smokers are being fired over one poor-scoring test. My question is: how accurate are these tests? Some basic drug tests will test you positive if you happened to be in an enclosed area where drugs are smoked, like at a concert. I'm thinking that these tests could probably test some people positive for second hand smoke as well. And that doesn't strike me as fair. Perhaps the bigger question is, how can someone get fired for doing something that is perfectly legal? Here's some food for thought - in most states, if an employee comes to you and says he or she has a drug problem, you can not fire him or her if they are getting help. As smoking is also an addiction, shouldn't the same rules apply?

Now, honestly, I don't particularly care about smokers' rights one way or the other. What irks me the most is that these companies are playing this off as a "we're so concerned over our employees' well-being move" when it is purely a fiscal move. Smokers -- even healthy smokers -- get sick more often than non-smokers and are more costly to the company. So instead of putting in the money to help the smokers by smoking programs or even EAP programs if necessary, they fire them. That's the bottom line. And if that's the case, what's next? Being fat? Owning a motorcycle? Skiing down anything higher than the bunny slope?

posted by Jenn @ 4:08 AM  

In reference to my set at The Comedy Studio last night:
"Anytime you can end a set with the word "shiskabob", you know you had a solid set."
- Charlie Hatton, Comic Extraordinaire

So, it went well
And I stayed out entirely too late for a Wednesday (we're talking power-walking-so-you-don't-miss-the-last-subway-to-Braintree late). Combining the late arrival home, my chronic insomnia, and the fact that my dinner consisted of an entire scorpion bowl and eggrolls, I currently have the verbal skills of Chewbacca.

And clearly, my favorite link of the day
Frozen Chicken Warfare

And just for Kris:
Here's something you'll never hear a man say..."Gee I wish Kris would add jpegs of his cum shots to his website."

posted by Jenn @ 7:01 AM  

Well,
There seems to be one Aspect O' Jenn that is rather crystal clear throughout my blogs...my severe insomnia. Who the hell blogs at 4:00 a.m.?

And you may wonder what the hell someone can talk about at 4:00 a.m.
Not much except to mention that I will be at The Comedy Studio this evening. I'm not sure yet what I'll be doing. Maybe some prison stuff. Maybe some topical stuff. Maybe I'll just strip down on stage and do my best Naked Buddha impression. This is left to be determined.

posted by Jenn @ 4:03 AM  

So, I'm living in The DaVinci Code now
So Gene, for whatever reason, decides to call me yesterday and leaves a rather cryptic message on my machine.

"Jenn. Gene. Hey, why don't we start a publishing company? Just a thought." Click.

There are several problems with this. One, Gene does not randomly call me. In fact, I don't believe I have heard Gene's voice in over a year. So this struck me, at very least, as slightly odd. Secondly, with the combination of his cell phone and my answering machine, he sounded a bit like Darth Vader. As you might imagine, it can be a bit troubling when you believe the leader of the known Dark Side has possession of your phone number. Not to mention, I was rather perplexed over why he desired to start a publishing company specifically with me. I tend to think if one constructed the Death Star, one could get one's own memoirs published without much fuss.

But this whole thing started because that the publishing company that accepted Public Health Disturbance recently closed, and Gene's own experience with publishing his books has been as pleasant as a Mongolian Clusterfuck & Mazola Party with Robert Loggia. So what exactly should we call this enterprise? Shit We Couldn't Get Published But Tried Really, Really Hard, Inc. doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. I will be taking email suggestions.

So, did they run out of Planters' Party Mix at the victory party?
Rugby fan cuts off testicles after game win

Worms on hooks feel no pain
"It seems to be only reflex curling when put on the hook ... They might sense something, but it is not painful and does not compromise their well-being."

So does this mean we can start lowering death row inmates into a vat of crocodiles again? As long as we use rope instead of a really large hook ('cause those fuckers HURT), it apparently doesn't compromise their well-being.

posted by Jenn @ 11:56 AM  

Well hey, at least I don't have to shop for a new Dad
Because as you might of heard, the Philadelphia Eagles lost. Which means, by default, the Pats won.

A dynasty? Really?
You know, not to be a traitor to my current hometown or anything, but why are The Patriots now considered a "dynasty" because they dominated football for...what...a whopping 4 years? Isn't this a tad premature? It's not that I don't think the Pats could be a dynasty --they are well on their way --.I just don't think they are there yet. I mean, the 49ers...THAT was a dynasty. They dominated for an entire decade and never lost a Superbowl, ever. And they have more Superbowl rings than anyone. Of course, I'm not exactly unbiased in this matter as just last weekend, I was wearing my Jerry Rice jersey. But I was wearing my Patriots jacket on top. And that counts.

Likewise, I do not think the Dallas Cowboys should be considered a dynasty. First of all, in two of those Superbowls they beat the Bills - something the current 49ers team could manage. Secondly, I just don't like them. And that matters. To someone. Maybe.

But hey, I'm happy and all that
And if I could watch hockey now I'd be even happier. Maybe I should take up a new hobby...like watching Alias or something.

And was anyone else highly amused
By The Pats and their fans making fun of the Eagles' wing-flapping? It was almost as amusing as Belichick running to the wrong bench. Or I am just really, really amused after nearly a bottle of peach-flavored wine.

Oh, and one last thing.
I just heard that Deion Branch (from my current hometown team - The Pats) just matched Jerry Rice (from my favorite overall team - the Niners) in number of receives during a Superbowl. Which I think is kinda cool.

posted by Jenn @ 1:46 AM  

Hey there, sports fans!
The Pats are so heavily favored that the New England fandom appears to be just going through the motions right now. I'm personally already a little sick of the pre-game show, what with it starting last Saturday or so.

The Girlie Superbowl Party
I am having a couple chicks over to watch the Bowl. Since there will be a sufficient lack of testicles in my abode, I decided not to serve the typical "man" Superbowl foodfare of "fried whatever." Instead I opted for the more estrogen-based eating plan of hummus, a vegetable tray, Chinese food, and exorbitant amounts of wine and chocolate. And just to ensure that we go directly into a diabetic coma, I bought a huge chocolate football cake with chocolate frosting that says "Go Pats" on it. It's almost even spelled correctly.

Dispatches from Jenn's Netflix Queue
The Last Samurai - I was actually surprised I liked this as much as I did. Sure the concept of Tom Cruise as a samurai is very, very funny, and there were plot holes roughly the size of the deep abyss of loathing I hold for Vanilla Sky, but overall it was a fun way to spend 2 hours. Or perhaps I was just happy to see anything with some sort of merit after Two Weeks Notice.

posted by Jenn @ 7:21 AM  

Imagine what happens when the Girl Scouts come to the door
Woman has a heart attack caused by cookies - teenage girls fined

Man accused of sending weed by UPS
Clearly the most amusing part of this article was that this was a "happy birthday box."

Superbowl Thoughts
Am I the only one at least mildly concerned that no one is betting against the Patriots for this game? 'Cause I have visions of Rams dancing in my head. Then I remember that these are THE Patriots and I really don't need to worry about such things. And I'm all warm and fuzzy again.

But seriously
They better fucking win, because if not I'll have to disown my father.

Movie quote of the day
"I own whole streets, I live in hotels....my life is a bit like Monopoly."
- Hugh Grant in Two Weeks Notice

Speaking of Two Weeks Notice
If you've known me for any length of time, you know that romantic comedies are on Jenn's List of Movies that Need to Join the Lost Films List with London After Midnight. So I have no fucking clue why I put this in my Netflix queue besides the fact that Hugh Grant is very fucking hot and he has at least slight comic flair when he plays some sort of version of himself. Likewise, I have no real love for Sandra Bullock. So it appears to be one of those movies that were on Netflix's "Top 100" list for a really long, damn time and I rented it just to see what the fuss was about.

I assure you...there is no fuss. It had some decent lines but certainly not worth a waste of an hour and 42 minutes. And the "cutesy, lovey-dovey" thing was icky (did I mention I generally loathe the typical chick flick formula and prefer more off-beat love stories like Chasing Amy? I really would have made a great lesbian if I applied myself, found a suitor, and wasn't a dickhound). You see, I am of the fuddy-duddyish mentality that if I want to watch a love story, I'll watch An Affair to Remember or some other semi-famous 1940's-1950's flick. You know....the time period when they actually believed in something called "atmosphere."

Next up...Tom Cruise With an Enormous Knife
The Last Samurai. And I'm already going into it expecting it to be as realistic as Superbabies.

posted by Jenn @ 7:44 AM  

An interesting email
From time to time, my readers decide to write to me for one reason or another. Most of the time, it's fan mail gushing the praises of Dejennerate, Inc. This is mostly due to the fact that friend Gene has cornered the hate mailer market - which is somewhat desirable as Gene is quite a bit more eloquent than I since he can call someone a "shit-eating fucktard" and make it sound pretty.

So, a year ago I wrote a rather nothing article about going to the Erma Bombeck convention and meeting Don Novello (aka Father Guido Sarducci). Said article is located here but it really does not make much sense unless you went to the convention (hence, it not being easily accessible on my website). The important part of this article is the profuse gushing in reference to Don Novello being an inspiration for my stand-up and writing (if you didn't know....he is an absolutely brilliant writer having written several hilarious books, not to mention being the creator of the game show Pope or Food?). I also mentioned in the article that I should have told him these thoughts when I shared a drink with him in the bar that last night, but I didn't. Well, as it turned out....I got my chance.

I received an email from one of Don's good friends who was searching the Internet for Don's first, and now out-of-print book, Blade: The Shellville High School Yearbook. As you might remember, this is the book that started Furry's sheep-fucking rumor (see January 6th post). Somehow, this friend of the cloth came across the article I had written and asked me if she could send it to Don....which is about as stupid of a question as St. Peter asking, "So, do you want these prayers to go directly to God, or can I send them over to the To Be Answered Later Department?" So as the good Father does not own email (the rectory has not yet received the capability for communication more high-tech than random monk chants, apparently), she faxed the article to him this afternoon. Now, I am playing the waiting game. Updates as warranted.

And in reference to the big game
I'll probably blog before that....but for the bulk of you Monday-Friday readers, Go Pats.

posted by Jenn @ 1:41 AM  

I am no longer an outcast of society
I completed The Godfather this morning, which apparently should be some sort of life-altering experience. So here are some ways my life has been changed since viewing The Godfather.

- I no longer have any tolerance whatsoever of comics who do any type of Brando impression

- If I appear to be ushered into any vehicle in which the majority of men in said vehicle are dressed in suits (especially if they are urging me to sit in the middle), I will politely decline and take public transportation.

- My new career goal is to become The Don of some sort of mob (even a flaming torch mob, if a position is open). Well not a Don per se, as this would be impossible since I currently own a vagina. I’ll settle on becoming a Donna.

- Just a general observation: Al Pacino was HOOOOOOOOT. What the hell happened?

The straw that broke the beheaded horse’s back
You may wonder what in fact drove me to see The Godfather so late in the game, especially as I seemed to be functioning quite well up to this point. It was mostly due to my brother’s urging. In the last few years he has seemed to acquire quite a fetish for Mafia-based media such as The Sopranos, The Godfather, Good Fellas, etc. for no explainable reason except perhaps he is looking to start a mob of his own (luckily, he can become a Don as he currently owns a penis.) So last Christmas the whole family sat down and watched Godfather 2 while playing Disney trivia (we are fond of non-sequitur activities). After seeing Godfather 2 and liking it a lot more than I imagined I would, I finally decided to see the original. And I was quite proud of myself for finally viewing it until Gene informed me that he showed his two pre-teen children The Godfather this weekend. Of course Gene has also taken his children to see Kill Bill as he apparently believes there are long-term benefits to emotional scarring.

posted by Jenn @ 7:14 AM  

Just in case any of you really care
The groundhog saw its shadow
He's seen his shadow 94 times. He hasn't seen it 14 times. This seems at least slightly mastabatory at this point.

But with Groundhog Day also comes sorrow...
Atlanta's 15-year-old groundhog may croak soon

A rather shameful admission from Jenn's Netflix Queue
So, I finally saw The Godfather. Um, for the first time. I am quite aware that this is completely unacceptable especially given my days in film school and the fact that I chastise my friend Will for never seeing Star Wars (which I still think is much worse....not even comparable, really. My friends' pre-school children have seen Star Wars. I'm thinking they are still combating Pacino Deficiency). Of course I didn't watch the whole thing as the film is about the same length as a public access telethon hosted by Jerry Lewis, my cat ate the pause button on my DVD remote, and eventually, I would have to pee. So for the health of my urinary tract, splitting it up into two day segments seemed prudent.

To review or not to review?
I was thinking about reviewing it tomorrow in my blog, but it occured to me that reviewing The Godfather is the equivalent to calling The King James Bible a "must read." But, I might still do so if I enter Blogger tomorrow and discover I have nothing to say to you people.

WTF???
For those of you not familiar with Netflix, you basically chose the movies you want and they are added to a Queue. You can organize the movies as many times you would like (for instance, if a new movie comes in that you want to see RIGHT NOW), by putting the movies you want to see first at the top of your list. I tend to have 150 - 200 movies on my Netflix list at any given time, mostly under the category of Shit I Should Have Seen Already -- a list I very seldom reorganize. Once or twice a week they deliver movies I put on the list MONTHS AGO and damn near forgot about, so opening my Netflix envelopes is always a nice, little surprise along the caliber of, say, opening the windows on a chocolate Advent calendar.

For the most part, Netflix has any movie available right now unless the movie is very popular (in which case, you simply put it on your list and when it's your turn -- they send it to you). So I logged into Netflix just to see what the hell I will be getting soon, and I discovered that The Deer Hunter, which has worked its way up from Slot 70-something to Slot 7 on my list, now has a "Very Long Wait." Some movies I can understand -- Superman had a "very long wait" when Chris Reeves died -- but The Deer Hunter? A movie that was released in 1978? WTF? Did the Meryl Streep Fan Club log on all at once? Is Bush's Cabinet renting it for war strategies?

posted by Jenn @ 1:09 PM  

Dejennerate would like to welcome a new reader
Any time a new reader joins us at dejennerate is a monumental event, especially if said reader opts not to send me hate mail or a Trojan worm of some sort. Therefore, I would like to wave "hello" to friend Andrea. Andrea is a Greek sex-kittenesque comic from Boston who dresses entirely too provocatively for South Shore cable. Welcome Andrea, and please.....cover up already.

"Squeaky clean" defined:
Any such comedy act that does not incorporate the word "fuck." "Shit" and "cocksucker" are acceptable. And opening one's show with the word "vagina" is greatly encouraged.

So as you can imagine, my television debut went well.
Which I only say because my psycho friends (aka Furry and Amy) will be bombarding me with emails until I say so. At least now they will still be bombarding me with emails, but they will likely be related to my copious sheep-fucking.

And I learned something today
Many comics hang around after the show to talk to the more experienced comics. I hang around to get the dirt on websites like turdwords.com. Enjoy.

posted by Jenn @ 1:18 AM