Um...."squeaky clean?"
So I was informed tonight that my show at The Backside Tavern should be kept "squeaky clean" as it's being taped for Boston cable and the documentary, Behind the Laughter. This seems to be a rather broad statement. Does it mean just that I shouldn't administer blatant curses? Or should the subject matter in general stay out of the nether area? Are we talking about Jerry Seinfeld clean or, say, corporate keynote speaker clean? Because, Jerry Seinfeld talked about orgasms. And, seriously? I don't have much material worthy of a keynote speaker. Most of my stuff is adult-oriented if not necessarily laden with adult language. Not to mention, I have seen the list of comics tonight and some of them I have never seen do anything but blue humor. So I'm thinking this may be a really brief evening.
I really need to change my ethnicity
Polish guy has telephone pole in his kitchen
I might be offended, if I could stop laughing first
Straightjacketed teddy bear considered "in poor taste"
DEJENNERATE.COM BLOG
Monday, January 31, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Law and Order Bonus
While wading through Disk 4 or something of the first season of Law and Order, I received a pleasant surprise - namely, a very young Samuel L. Jackson as a high-powered lawyer. Just thought I'd share.
I'm very sorry if you end up in Marshfield tomorrow, but if you do....
Come and see me do my comedy thing at The Backside Tavern. Why? Because they are taping the show and interviewing the comics for a documentary called Behind the Laughter. Yes....Behind the Laughter....Backside Tavern. Oh grow up, already (mostly you, Alberti).
Suspenders are in!
My Mom wasn't too strict, but I'm pretty sure wearing a sling shot to the prom would have been a no-no.
While wading through Disk 4 or something of the first season of Law and Order, I received a pleasant surprise - namely, a very young Samuel L. Jackson as a high-powered lawyer. Just thought I'd share.
I'm very sorry if you end up in Marshfield tomorrow, but if you do....
Come and see me do my comedy thing at The Backside Tavern. Why? Because they are taping the show and interviewing the comics for a documentary called Behind the Laughter. Yes....Behind the Laughter....Backside Tavern. Oh grow up, already (mostly you, Alberti).
Suspenders are in!
My Mom wasn't too strict, but I'm pretty sure wearing a sling shot to the prom would have been a no-no.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Superbowl thoughts
It has been brought to my attention that even though I really, really want the Patriots to win this year, my desire is not as adamant as it was in past years. This is partially due to my Buffaloian status rearing its ugly head. As you already know, the town of Buffalo does not seem capable of winning anything in the sporting department, so most of us --in a sanity protection move -- choose alternative, statistically high-ranked teams to also cheer for. For me, it was the San Francisco 49ers -- a choice which was quite fulfilling when I was residing in Buffalo, and the 49ers were guaranteed at very least a playoff spot each and every year. So despite how poorly Buffalo did, I ended each football season relatively happy. This didn't mean I was a traitor to Buffalo, as I did really want them to do well. However, as indicated by our battle cries of "Two Feet Wide Right" and "No Goal", such a thing is celestially impossble, so the 49ers consistently stepped up to the plate to prevent any sports-related suicide attempts. I was actually worried that my poor team/good team fan balance was going to be disturbed upon my move the New England. Fortunately, in effort to keep a state of Fan Non-Entropy, immediately upon my translocation to Boston the Niners were nice enough to start playing like the Buffalo Bills to give the Patriots permission to win two Superbowls and kick ass throughout my Bostonian stay. I still ended up happy, and a balanced sports fan eco-system was maintained.
My father, also hailing from Buffalo, was not nearly as wise in his choice of an "alternative team to cheer for." Namely, he is a Philadelphia Eagles fan -- a team that last went to the Superbowl when Jordache was a sponsor. So given the Bills' current statistics (how many wins have they had? Can it be measured by whole numbers?), I wouldn't be all that upset to see the Eagles win if only to get my father's Sports Fan's Balance to optimum levels and so at least someone in Buffalo knows what it feels like to win a Superbowl.
BWAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Well, I almost kept my composure while typing that. Sorry, Dad.
In conclusion
Go Pats. Fuck the Eagles.
Dispatches from Jenn's Netflix Queue
Ron White: They Call Me Tater Salad - One more time, folks. I have friends who live in trailer parks + I lived in Buffalo for 24 years = I relate to redneck humor. Let it go, already.
The Man Who Wasn't There - This is that black and white film noir that everyone was raving about a couple years ago. It's not that I didn't like it per se--I did--however I failed to see what the big deal was about. It didn't seem all that original to me. Sure, film noir is pretty much extinct and this movie brought it back to life, but I kind of expected The Coen Brothers to take advantage of filming a film noir now (make it racier, spicier, etc.). They didn't. It looked just like a film noir from the 40's, and quite frankly I have a bunch of them already on my video shelf. Resurrecting a dead format isn't really "fresh" unless you take it in a new direction.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Hands down, this was the best book-to-film adapation I have ever seen. My only question.....was Chief a full-blooded Native American in the book? I vaguely remember him being mixed-ethnicity and this was somehow important to the story. Or perhaps I'm thinking of Ten Little Indians.
It has been brought to my attention that even though I really, really want the Patriots to win this year, my desire is not as adamant as it was in past years. This is partially due to my Buffaloian status rearing its ugly head. As you already know, the town of Buffalo does not seem capable of winning anything in the sporting department, so most of us --in a sanity protection move -- choose alternative, statistically high-ranked teams to also cheer for. For me, it was the San Francisco 49ers -- a choice which was quite fulfilling when I was residing in Buffalo, and the 49ers were guaranteed at very least a playoff spot each and every year. So despite how poorly Buffalo did, I ended each football season relatively happy. This didn't mean I was a traitor to Buffalo, as I did really want them to do well. However, as indicated by our battle cries of "Two Feet Wide Right" and "No Goal", such a thing is celestially impossble, so the 49ers consistently stepped up to the plate to prevent any sports-related suicide attempts. I was actually worried that my poor team/good team fan balance was going to be disturbed upon my move the New England. Fortunately, in effort to keep a state of Fan Non-Entropy, immediately upon my translocation to Boston the Niners were nice enough to start playing like the Buffalo Bills to give the Patriots permission to win two Superbowls and kick ass throughout my Bostonian stay. I still ended up happy, and a balanced sports fan eco-system was maintained.
My father, also hailing from Buffalo, was not nearly as wise in his choice of an "alternative team to cheer for." Namely, he is a Philadelphia Eagles fan -- a team that last went to the Superbowl when Jordache was a sponsor. So given the Bills' current statistics (how many wins have they had? Can it be measured by whole numbers?), I wouldn't be all that upset to see the Eagles win if only to get my father's Sports Fan's Balance to optimum levels and so at least someone in Buffalo knows what it feels like to win a Superbowl.
BWAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Well, I almost kept my composure while typing that. Sorry, Dad.
In conclusion
Go Pats. Fuck the Eagles.
Dispatches from Jenn's Netflix Queue
Ron White: They Call Me Tater Salad - One more time, folks. I have friends who live in trailer parks + I lived in Buffalo for 24 years = I relate to redneck humor. Let it go, already.
The Man Who Wasn't There - This is that black and white film noir that everyone was raving about a couple years ago. It's not that I didn't like it per se--I did--however I failed to see what the big deal was about. It didn't seem all that original to me. Sure, film noir is pretty much extinct and this movie brought it back to life, but I kind of expected The Coen Brothers to take advantage of filming a film noir now (make it racier, spicier, etc.). They didn't. It looked just like a film noir from the 40's, and quite frankly I have a bunch of them already on my video shelf. Resurrecting a dead format isn't really "fresh" unless you take it in a new direction.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Hands down, this was the best book-to-film adapation I have ever seen. My only question.....was Chief a full-blooded Native American in the book? I vaguely remember him being mixed-ethnicity and this was somehow important to the story. Or perhaps I'm thinking of Ten Little Indians.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Barely Friday
As you might determine by the fact that I am blogging at 1:50 a.m., I am having some difficulty sleeping. Perhaps it was not wise to consume three 20 oz. bottles of Pepsi One followed by a session of Tae Bo so close to bedtime.
A Movie I Simply Do Not Have the Strength to Avoid
As I've mentioned in my Jeepers Creepers 2 review at Classic Horror, there are simply movies that --despite all evidence to the contrary -- I can not avoid. It stems from my latent fetish with the standard formulaic 80's, highly predictable, yet vastly amusing horror flicks. The movies that qualify are as follows:
As you might determine by the fact that I am blogging at 1:50 a.m., I am having some difficulty sleeping. Perhaps it was not wise to consume three 20 oz. bottles of Pepsi One followed by a session of Tae Bo so close to bedtime.
A Movie I Simply Do Not Have the Strength to Avoid
As I've mentioned in my Jeepers Creepers 2 review at Classic Horror, there are simply movies that --despite all evidence to the contrary -- I can not avoid. It stems from my latent fetish with the standard formulaic 80's, highly predictable, yet vastly amusing horror flicks. The movies that qualify are as follows:
- anything with a serial killer hacking up oh-so-pretty teenage stars
- anything with a ghost scaring the crap out of stupid people
- anything with a winged cannibal dressed up in a Matrix costume
As per the second bullet point, it appears I am going to have to see Boogeyman, even factoring in that it appears to be the exact same house used in the very, very bad The Haunting and 13 Ghosts remakes. In fact, the only thing going for it is that is is produced by the same creators of the recent The Grudge remake which I enjoyed quite a great deal. Why am I telling you this? Because when I come back in a week with a review for Boogeyman, I do not need you curling up your lip and think "I thought she was a film major? Surely, her tastes should be more discerning." Rest assured I suffer from irreversible, and potentially terminal, celluloidial brainwashing despite all interventions from various support groups and Sundance.
And this is why remnants of these movies are still in my brain's database:
- Scream - And despite my utter fucking loathing of the first one (I actually had a webpage entitled S.O.S. : Shit on Scream for some time), I saw the other two. In the theater. For $8.00 a pop.
- Urban Legends - aka The Noxema Girl Kills People
- Valentine - Remember that shit-fest? I wish I didn't.
- I Know What You Did Last Summer, and the sequel: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer as I Suffer From Compulsive Tendencies
- Bride of Chucky - I have been able to resist Seed of Chucky thus far. This resistance is expected to falter as it does feature a John Waters cameo.
Just a question
So given the critical acclaim of The Grudge and The Ring remakes and the upcoming The Ring 2...have we just decided as a whole to continuously rape Japan of its superior horror plotlines? Especially since watching the damn-near-perfect originals are out of the question given Americans' lackluster ability to tolerate subtitles? Because I'm thinking Battle Royale will need to start keeping a firm hand over its proverbial rectum.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
My car has declared mutiny
While driving the thruway this morning, my car inexplicably stopped and turned its oil and battery light on. When it became quite clear that it was not going to be fed (I can only pump my breast of so much Pennzoil), it decided to start on its own. Clearly, when the Creator of All Things Good and Diesel gave it the name "Sunfire", said Supreme Being apparently intended it to habitat in a climate relatively free of de-icing washer fluid.
Most schools still closed...um, why?
Now before I get another piece of hate mail from Gene (which differs in my normal correspondence from Gene only by the presence of "You're Wrong" in the subject line), I understand why schools in the city are closed as there IS only so many places one can put snow in a city short of, say, using The Bunker Hill Monument as a Snow Silo. But in the rural areas which are chock-full of open spaces to use as a surplus flake dumping ground? Really, get off your butt and shovel the damn driveway already.
Dejennerate is not responsible for any spit-takes this may cause...
State Senator wants Cockfights, with Gloves
"An Oklahoma senator hopes to revive cockfighting in the state by putting tiny boxing gloves on the roosters instead of razors...."
All payments must be paid in small, non-inflamed bills
Fire Department to Charge for Services
Dear Furry
An old conversation with Furry:
Jenn: Furry, did you vote for me today for Best of Show in the USA World Showcase?
Furry: Yes. 75 times.
Jenn: I told you only one vote counts.
Furry: I went around to all the cubicles in my office and told them to vote.
Jenn: So 75 people voted for me?
Furry: Well, 50. I voted for you 25 times on my computer...
You do SO have OCD.
While driving the thruway this morning, my car inexplicably stopped and turned its oil and battery light on. When it became quite clear that it was not going to be fed (I can only pump my breast of so much Pennzoil), it decided to start on its own. Clearly, when the Creator of All Things Good and Diesel gave it the name "Sunfire", said Supreme Being apparently intended it to habitat in a climate relatively free of de-icing washer fluid.
Most schools still closed...um, why?
Now before I get another piece of hate mail from Gene (which differs in my normal correspondence from Gene only by the presence of "You're Wrong" in the subject line), I understand why schools in the city are closed as there IS only so many places one can put snow in a city short of, say, using The Bunker Hill Monument as a Snow Silo. But in the rural areas which are chock-full of open spaces to use as a surplus flake dumping ground? Really, get off your butt and shovel the damn driveway already.
Dejennerate is not responsible for any spit-takes this may cause...
State Senator wants Cockfights, with Gloves
"An Oklahoma senator hopes to revive cockfighting in the state by putting tiny boxing gloves on the roosters instead of razors...."
All payments must be paid in small, non-inflamed bills
Fire Department to Charge for Services
Dear Furry
An old conversation with Furry:
Jenn: Furry, did you vote for me today for Best of Show in the USA World Showcase?
Furry: Yes. 75 times.
Jenn: I told you only one vote counts.
Furry: I went around to all the cubicles in my office and told them to vote.
Jenn: So 75 people voted for me?
Furry: Well, 50. I voted for you 25 times on my computer...
You do SO have OCD.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Apologies for no blog yesterday...
Apparently some of you were quite disturbed by this fact as several IP addresses checked my blog more than 10 times yesterday, which makes me think that some of you need to make some effort toward developing a social life. Except for Furry, of course, because she has OCD and this behavior is somewhat instinctual.
A great night of comedy
I went down to Evos last night for All Chicks Comedy Night, and had a really, really good time. It was one of those nights where not everything worked for everybody, yet everyone did relatively well. Not to mention everyone was very original with no trace of the typical female "hack humor." I felt like I spent an evening with the cream-of-the-crop of Boston female comics. Great job, ladies.
And in a rare Dlugos moment
I did a completely blue set. For those that may not be familiar, blue comedy is "raunchy" comedy. Some of you may be surprised that I don't already do completely blue humor sets. I don't have a problem with them per se as there are many comics who do them very well. I'm just not one who can really get away with it. Here's what I do: I talk about adult topics, but try not to get swayed into using really blatant locker language excessively. This is good, because it forces me to come up with more unique verbiage, but it somewhat takes "fuck", "cock", "cunt", and "John Foggerty" out of my on-stage lexicon. I still didn't go way overboard, but more so than usual. And while I won't make a habit out of it, damn it was fun.
This just in: God smiles on loose women
Cops can get naked for prostitution stings
Ah...how I love a man that was in uniform.
Apparently some of you were quite disturbed by this fact as several IP addresses checked my blog more than 10 times yesterday, which makes me think that some of you need to make some effort toward developing a social life. Except for Furry, of course, because she has OCD and this behavior is somewhat instinctual.
A great night of comedy
I went down to Evos last night for All Chicks Comedy Night, and had a really, really good time. It was one of those nights where not everything worked for everybody, yet everyone did relatively well. Not to mention everyone was very original with no trace of the typical female "hack humor." I felt like I spent an evening with the cream-of-the-crop of Boston female comics. Great job, ladies.
And in a rare Dlugos moment
I did a completely blue set. For those that may not be familiar, blue comedy is "raunchy" comedy. Some of you may be surprised that I don't already do completely blue humor sets. I don't have a problem with them per se as there are many comics who do them very well. I'm just not one who can really get away with it. Here's what I do: I talk about adult topics, but try not to get swayed into using really blatant locker language excessively. This is good, because it forces me to come up with more unique verbiage, but it somewhat takes "fuck", "cock", "cunt", and "John Foggerty" out of my on-stage lexicon. I still didn't go way overboard, but more so than usual. And while I won't make a habit out of it, damn it was fun.
This just in: God smiles on loose women
Cops can get naked for prostitution stings
Ah...how I love a man that was in uniform.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Still buried
I am greatly procrastinating on the task of digging my car out, despite the fact that I have got places to go....like going to buy a PATRIOTS' SUPERBOWL SHIRT! Yep, that's the most important thing on my agenda today which, by the way, does not really help with the whole procrastination. I clearly need to come up with a better motivator. Maybe I'll luck out and get a ruptured appendix.
Hack, thy name is Dodgeball
I didn't actually rent this; my friend from work let me borrow it in exchange for Anchorman. This was not a fair trade. It had its moments, and all in all was an ok view for when one can not run screaming from the television set as one is snowed into her 2nd floor condo. Even with that said, am I the only one who noticed that they used the exact same script as BASEketball? For the record, BASEketball did it so much better. BASEketball was fresh and original, and vastly underrated (The San Francisco Ferries? Hello????). Dodgeball was stale, tired, and SO five sports parodies ago.
But on a positive note...
Ben Stiller should really consider keeping his hair of that length and color (minus the facial hair). It made him look less missing-linkish.
Law and Order, fresher than I remembered
As I seriously could not move from my living room yesterday, I caught up on DVDs, namely a couple disks from Law and Order:Season 1. In the first several episodes, the show addressed AIDS, assisted suicide, bombing abortion clinics, race relations, and major political conspiracies without an ounce of sugar-coating. This seemed pretty impressive for 1989. In fact, one of the shows from that season is still not shown today because of its controversial subject matter. So when I said it never broke any barriers, I was wrong. Um, sorry.
And them characters....
For some reason the character development seemed MUCH better in this season than anything later on. Not to mention, there seemed to be some *gasp* chemistry between the characters. When the hell did it go from an adequately paced tale with excellent character development to a slightly faster paced show with shells of characters? Honestly, I prefer the former.
Just one question about the box set...
Is there any particular reason that they couldn't put the shows in order? For example, the pilot episode is the last episode on Disk Two. Normally this doesn't matter except that in the pilot Robinette clearly does not know Logan or Greevey. This can be quite confusing, especially if you just watched six episodes in which they seem to be at least mildly aware of each other's existence. Theorizing with one's cat about the probability of a triplicate bout of early dementia tends to damper one's viewing experience.
I am greatly procrastinating on the task of digging my car out, despite the fact that I have got places to go....like going to buy a PATRIOTS' SUPERBOWL SHIRT! Yep, that's the most important thing on my agenda today which, by the way, does not really help with the whole procrastination. I clearly need to come up with a better motivator. Maybe I'll luck out and get a ruptured appendix.
Hack, thy name is Dodgeball
I didn't actually rent this; my friend from work let me borrow it in exchange for Anchorman. This was not a fair trade. It had its moments, and all in all was an ok view for when one can not run screaming from the television set as one is snowed into her 2nd floor condo. Even with that said, am I the only one who noticed that they used the exact same script as BASEketball? For the record, BASEketball did it so much better. BASEketball was fresh and original, and vastly underrated (The San Francisco Ferries? Hello????). Dodgeball was stale, tired, and SO five sports parodies ago.
But on a positive note...
Ben Stiller should really consider keeping his hair of that length and color (minus the facial hair). It made him look less missing-linkish.
Law and Order, fresher than I remembered
As I seriously could not move from my living room yesterday, I caught up on DVDs, namely a couple disks from Law and Order:Season 1. In the first several episodes, the show addressed AIDS, assisted suicide, bombing abortion clinics, race relations, and major political conspiracies without an ounce of sugar-coating. This seemed pretty impressive for 1989. In fact, one of the shows from that season is still not shown today because of its controversial subject matter. So when I said it never broke any barriers, I was wrong. Um, sorry.
And them characters....
For some reason the character development seemed MUCH better in this season than anything later on. Not to mention, there seemed to be some *gasp* chemistry between the characters. When the hell did it go from an adequately paced tale with excellent character development to a slightly faster paced show with shells of characters? Honestly, I prefer the former.
Just one question about the box set...
Is there any particular reason that they couldn't put the shows in order? For example, the pilot episode is the last episode on Disk Two. Normally this doesn't matter except that in the pilot Robinette clearly does not know Logan or Greevey. This can be quite confusing, especially if you just watched six episodes in which they seem to be at least mildly aware of each other's existence. Theorizing with one's cat about the probability of a triplicate bout of early dementia tends to damper one's viewing experience.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
I gotta do this or they'll take away my comic card....
RIP Johnny Carson
Without Johnny I would have had no desire to go into stand-up comedy. Hell, he MADE stand-up comedy. No one had better timing than he had. Damn...what a loss. I think I will be changing my DVD agenda tonight to my Best of the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson videos.
RIP Johnny Carson
Without Johnny I would have had no desire to go into stand-up comedy. Hell, he MADE stand-up comedy. No one had better timing than he had. Damn...what a loss. I think I will be changing my DVD agenda tonight to my Best of the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson videos.
I think a Yeti just passed by my window....
I'm really glad that I am no longer considered "emergency personnel" as I am getting great amusement watching one of the condo residents try to clean the 30-inches-and-still-falling snow off his car. Good thing the visibility is really bad, because I'm sure he would not be amused by my manical laughter and frequent pointing.
Not to mention it gives me a really good excuse
If we have lots of snow and we get lots of snow at Christmas, then it could potentially still be the Chrstmas season. Therefore, one would logically conclude that it would be quite humbuggy of me to take down my tree before next weekend.
So my plan today is to:
Restaurant serves pizza with human tooth baked in crust
Oh, and one more thing....
Friend Furry just started a blog. I might have to get out of Blogger while I have the chance...
I'm really glad that I am no longer considered "emergency personnel" as I am getting great amusement watching one of the condo residents try to clean the 30-inches-and-still-falling snow off his car. Good thing the visibility is really bad, because I'm sure he would not be amused by my manical laughter and frequent pointing.
Not to mention it gives me a really good excuse
If we have lots of snow and we get lots of snow at Christmas, then it could potentially still be the Chrstmas season. Therefore, one would logically conclude that it would be quite humbuggy of me to take down my tree before next weekend.
So my plan today is to:
- Not take down the Christmas Tree
- Stay the fuck away from the outside
- Watch a shitload of new DVDs I got for Christmas (as it is still the Christmas season, obviously)
- Turn myself over frequently to prevent bed sores
Restaurant serves pizza with human tooth baked in crust
Oh, and one more thing....
Friend Furry just started a blog. I might have to get out of Blogger while I have the chance...
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Prepare for comic whining
I had a not-so-great set at The Comedy Studio last night. In fact it was the worst I ever had since the bomb at The Backside a couple months ago. I COULD say I was on second and the audience didn’t get warmed up until about an hour into the show (both statements, might I add, are true), unfortunately I’m not one of those comics who make excuses about her act. This is a good and bad thing -- good because it forces me to strive to improve and bad because I never cut myself any slack and end up beating myself up a great deal. In my mind, despite all evidence to the contrary, my set sucked because it sucked. And from what I can tell, the reason it sucked is because I did new material that was just not ready yet for a Friday night crowd.
But there was a reason I didn’t throw myself onto the third rail in the subway station afterwards…
A new comic who has only been on the scene for a couple months ended up approaching me in the subway station as he saw me at The Studio. We ended up talking most of the way home about comedy and whatnot, and the comedy frustrations he revealed are frustrations I remember only too well from when I was brand spanking new. And then I realized, I really have come a long damn way. If I had a set like I had last night when I was just starting out, I would have been completely mortified, remained in a funk for at least a week, and probably would have quit for some time. Yesterday? I was mildly bummed at best. I still had a great time at the show, and by the time I got home and put in Orca: The Killer Whale, I damn near forgot about it.
And speaking of Orca: The Killer Whale
Hey, that’s the best segue I’ve got. Anyway, I watched it as per Classic Horror’s recommendation-- a site that I write for quite a bit. I was fully prepared to make much mockery of it. Sadly, I could not. Everything Chris said in his review was accurate. It is a good movie with a good story. Sure the dialogue and the acting was laughable, but no more so than in any other classic horror flick. And there were some scenes that were truly magnificent. For example, the whole “murder” scene was more intense than anything Jaws had on deck.
I have no idea if the movie was scientifically accurate at all, but it was stupid fun-- especially during the climax when they thought to follow the whale for 500 miles instead of, say, shooting it with the big harpoon they had on board. But even this--which required the suspension of disbelief of someone who still believes in Santa Claus-- was completely excusable because the final scene ended up being exactly what I wanted. My review? At least 2 dorsal fins up.
And we can’t forget Collateral….SPOILERS PRESENT
I rented this because my friends whom I trust in the celluloid department gave it decent reviews. And it turned out to be quite good, and most of all, completely realistic….mundane, really. A cabbie drops off a lawyer and seconds later picks up a hitman who just happens to be killing off witnesses in her case, and when said hitman ends up coming after her, the cabbie saves her because she was particularly horny during her cab ride and gave him her number. Feh…every cab driver has that story.
And, um, speaking of Tom Cruise killing beautiful lawyers...can anyone explain WHY he HAD to cut off the power in her building? Did he want her to be able to hide MORE proficiently so he would have a harder time finding her and thus giving us a much better climax? ’Cause I’m thinking most professional hitmen do not randomly cut power in large buildings they have never been in simply for dramatic effect.
I had a not-so-great set at The Comedy Studio last night. In fact it was the worst I ever had since the bomb at The Backside a couple months ago. I COULD say I was on second and the audience didn’t get warmed up until about an hour into the show (both statements, might I add, are true), unfortunately I’m not one of those comics who make excuses about her act. This is a good and bad thing -- good because it forces me to strive to improve and bad because I never cut myself any slack and end up beating myself up a great deal. In my mind, despite all evidence to the contrary, my set sucked because it sucked. And from what I can tell, the reason it sucked is because I did new material that was just not ready yet for a Friday night crowd.
But there was a reason I didn’t throw myself onto the third rail in the subway station afterwards…
A new comic who has only been on the scene for a couple months ended up approaching me in the subway station as he saw me at The Studio. We ended up talking most of the way home about comedy and whatnot, and the comedy frustrations he revealed are frustrations I remember only too well from when I was brand spanking new. And then I realized, I really have come a long damn way. If I had a set like I had last night when I was just starting out, I would have been completely mortified, remained in a funk for at least a week, and probably would have quit for some time. Yesterday? I was mildly bummed at best. I still had a great time at the show, and by the time I got home and put in Orca: The Killer Whale, I damn near forgot about it.
And speaking of Orca: The Killer Whale
Hey, that’s the best segue I’ve got. Anyway, I watched it as per Classic Horror’s recommendation-- a site that I write for quite a bit. I was fully prepared to make much mockery of it. Sadly, I could not. Everything Chris said in his review was accurate. It is a good movie with a good story. Sure the dialogue and the acting was laughable, but no more so than in any other classic horror flick. And there were some scenes that were truly magnificent. For example, the whole “murder” scene was more intense than anything Jaws had on deck.
I have no idea if the movie was scientifically accurate at all, but it was stupid fun-- especially during the climax when they thought to follow the whale for 500 miles instead of, say, shooting it with the big harpoon they had on board. But even this--which required the suspension of disbelief of someone who still believes in Santa Claus-- was completely excusable because the final scene ended up being exactly what I wanted. My review? At least 2 dorsal fins up.
And we can’t forget Collateral….SPOILERS PRESENT
I rented this because my friends whom I trust in the celluloid department gave it decent reviews. And it turned out to be quite good, and most of all, completely realistic….mundane, really. A cabbie drops off a lawyer and seconds later picks up a hitman who just happens to be killing off witnesses in her case, and when said hitman ends up coming after her, the cabbie saves her because she was particularly horny during her cab ride and gave him her number. Feh…every cab driver has that story.
And, um, speaking of Tom Cruise killing beautiful lawyers...can anyone explain WHY he HAD to cut off the power in her building? Did he want her to be able to hide MORE proficiently so he would have a harder time finding her and thus giving us a much better climax? ’Cause I’m thinking most professional hitmen do not randomly cut power in large buildings they have never been in simply for dramatic effect.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Oh how could I forget...
I promised Amy that I'd pimp her new blog today. Why should you go read her blog? Because she has a picture of a garlic press between her boobs.
I suddenly feel that Amy got a spike in hits from Dejennerate's contingent of male readers.
I promised Amy that I'd pimp her new blog today. Why should you go read her blog? Because she has a picture of a garlic press between her boobs.
I suddenly feel that Amy got a spike in hits from Dejennerate's contingent of male readers.
You know that whole dirty bomb thing? Never mind.
Boston Terror Threat May be a Hoax
This weekend
I’m not really planning much except for my weekend of comedy. I’m having friends who have never seen me perform before at both shows. And it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve done stand-up. And I’ve got new material planned. Oh, and did I mention one of the shows is taped?
But despite all this, I’m surprisingly calm
Even just two years ago the above scenario would cause me to bug out completely. Today? Eh. Adrenaline is pumping, but it’s the “I just wanna get on stage, do my thing, so I can go home and catch The Daily Show” adrenaline instead of the “I’m going to bomb a horrible death. Get me out of here…I’ll take my chances with the street strumpets” adrenaline. Apparently, I've reached an important step in any comic’s career…performance maturation by way of partial apathy. Complete apathy comes after the first scorpion bowl.
Finally, dear Pats
You know what the Colts did last week? Don’t do that.
Boston Terror Threat May be a Hoax
This weekend
I’m not really planning much except for my weekend of comedy. I’m having friends who have never seen me perform before at both shows. And it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve done stand-up. And I’ve got new material planned. Oh, and did I mention one of the shows is taped?
But despite all this, I’m surprisingly calm
Even just two years ago the above scenario would cause me to bug out completely. Today? Eh. Adrenaline is pumping, but it’s the “I just wanna get on stage, do my thing, so I can go home and catch The Daily Show” adrenaline instead of the “I’m going to bomb a horrible death. Get me out of here…I’ll take my chances with the street strumpets” adrenaline. Apparently, I've reached an important step in any comic’s career…performance maturation by way of partial apathy. Complete apathy comes after the first scorpion bowl.
Finally, dear Pats
You know what the Colts did last week? Don’t do that.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Oh, Fucking Yay
4 Asians Threaten Boston with Radioactivity
Because our morning commute isn’t bad enough without Godzilla in the breakdown lane.
This blog is grammar impaired
As a writer, I consider myself to be adequate in the grammar department. In fact, bad grammar can drive me to criminal behavior especially violations of the following laws: the use of “who” and “that”, “then” or “than”, and anytime anyone calls a grammatically correct, long sentence a “run-on sentence.” Much to my dismay, I realized I have fallen victim to several grammar snafus in pieces I don’t care that much about, such as this blog. Specifically, I tend to put periods outside of quotation marks when I’m indicating terms or slang. Even when typing this paragraph, I had to correct “run-on sentence.” (And for those keeping track, I just had to correct it again.) This happens because my left brain is completely hell-bent on putting a period at the end of every sentence with no regard to quotations, and one does not dispute one’s left brain when one is typing very fast. I never catch it while proofing because my Internet font, while readable, is quite small. And I can not make it bigger, because I inadvertently deleted my computer’s middle-sized font and have no real desire to change to the big font as I have no use for a 6-inch hourglass. So I do not really see periods and rarely catch the error, as indicated by the 24 period snafus I fixed throughout the website yesterday.
I also discovered that I randomly make changes to my blog’s typical template as I simply do not remember my blog style from one day to the next. For instance, yesterday’s blog had ellipses added to the headline headers for absolutely no reason. And apparently I sentence fragment intentionally…..A LOT. This is done completely for emphasis, but it has become rather excessive. Methinks I better tone this problem down before I receive one of those awards for highly typoed and otherwise unreadable websites.
And just to show off my utter ignorance of the music scene
Gene mentioned the band Bowling for Soup one day in his blog, a band I have never heard of. Last night while riding in my car, I realized that Bowling for Soup sang the song “1985“ which I’ve had in my head for the last month or so. This is the reason that of the 50 or so CDs I own, only 10 of them are music…well, if you count the Weird Al CDs.
4 Asians Threaten Boston with Radioactivity
Because our morning commute isn’t bad enough without Godzilla in the breakdown lane.
This blog is grammar impaired
As a writer, I consider myself to be adequate in the grammar department. In fact, bad grammar can drive me to criminal behavior especially violations of the following laws: the use of “who” and “that”, “then” or “than”, and anytime anyone calls a grammatically correct, long sentence a “run-on sentence.” Much to my dismay, I realized I have fallen victim to several grammar snafus in pieces I don’t care that much about, such as this blog. Specifically, I tend to put periods outside of quotation marks when I’m indicating terms or slang. Even when typing this paragraph, I had to correct “run-on sentence.” (And for those keeping track, I just had to correct it again.) This happens because my left brain is completely hell-bent on putting a period at the end of every sentence with no regard to quotations, and one does not dispute one’s left brain when one is typing very fast. I never catch it while proofing because my Internet font, while readable, is quite small. And I can not make it bigger, because I inadvertently deleted my computer’s middle-sized font and have no real desire to change to the big font as I have no use for a 6-inch hourglass. So I do not really see periods and rarely catch the error, as indicated by the 24 period snafus I fixed throughout the website yesterday.
I also discovered that I randomly make changes to my blog’s typical template as I simply do not remember my blog style from one day to the next. For instance, yesterday’s blog had ellipses added to the headline headers for absolutely no reason. And apparently I sentence fragment intentionally…..A LOT. This is done completely for emphasis, but it has become rather excessive. Methinks I better tone this problem down before I receive one of those awards for highly typoed and otherwise unreadable websites.
And just to show off my utter ignorance of the music scene
Gene mentioned the band Bowling for Soup one day in his blog, a band I have never heard of. Last night while riding in my car, I realized that Bowling for Soup sang the song “1985“ which I’ve had in my head for the last month or so. This is the reason that of the 50 or so CDs I own, only 10 of them are music…well, if you count the Weird Al CDs.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
The latest non-sequitur headline...
Dog relieves himself, Magic game delayed
Well, I never thought I'd see this headline
French seize Cocaine Santa
And continuing with The Blow Report
WD-40, Cocaine, and Toilet Seats Don't Mix
Restaurant pimp
I went to McCormick's & Schmidts in Providence yesterday because they have appetizers and meals M-Th for $1.95, which is comparable to their Boston counterparts if you simply deleted the decimal point. And the food is good. Among your choices were a whole plate of mussels, two jumbo oysters, chicken fingers, hamburgers, quesedillas, and baked brie with bread sticks. $1.95 strikes me as a damn good deal if you discount the risk of sudden cardiac arrest. Ambulance-based life support tends to be relatively pricey.
Netflix Eclecticism
Today I am expecting to receive Collateral, Orca: The Killer Whale, and Balto. I challenge you to form a connection.
Dog relieves himself, Magic game delayed
Well, I never thought I'd see this headline
French seize Cocaine Santa
And continuing with The Blow Report
WD-40, Cocaine, and Toilet Seats Don't Mix
Restaurant pimp
I went to McCormick's & Schmidts in Providence yesterday because they have appetizers and meals M-Th for $1.95, which is comparable to their Boston counterparts if you simply deleted the decimal point. And the food is good. Among your choices were a whole plate of mussels, two jumbo oysters, chicken fingers, hamburgers, quesedillas, and baked brie with bread sticks. $1.95 strikes me as a damn good deal if you discount the risk of sudden cardiac arrest. Ambulance-based life support tends to be relatively pricey.
Netflix Eclecticism
Today I am expecting to receive Collateral, Orca: The Killer Whale, and Balto. I challenge you to form a connection.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Proof that the whole "climbing into a tv will make people think you're on tv" ploy doesn't really work...
Fugitive found inside a television set
Odd....
It appears that I have a navigating pain that refuses to go away. Yesterday it was in my left side area, last night it moved to my pelvic bone, and now it has since locomotioned itself to my left shin. So being the hypochondriac that I am, I have concluded I have cancer that metastatizes incredibly efficiently or that my Indian name is Lou Gehrig.
But hey, I'll probably still be alive for my show Friday
I'm at The Comedy Studio . I'm going to do some new stuff, since the audience there is typically a good judge of quality as they don't fall into obsequious laughter. I'm also planning on doing a full set without talking about the prison at all which fans of complete planetary alignment and Halley's Comet should enjoy.
Fugitive found inside a television set
Odd....
It appears that I have a navigating pain that refuses to go away. Yesterday it was in my left side area, last night it moved to my pelvic bone, and now it has since locomotioned itself to my left shin. So being the hypochondriac that I am, I have concluded I have cancer that metastatizes incredibly efficiently or that my Indian name is Lou Gehrig.
But hey, I'll probably still be alive for my show Friday
I'm at The Comedy Studio . I'm going to do some new stuff, since the audience there is typically a good judge of quality as they don't fall into obsequious laughter. I'm also planning on doing a full set without talking about the prison at all which fans of complete planetary alignment and Halley's Comet should enjoy.
Monday, January 17, 2005
Yeah.....those New Years Resolutions are going GREAT.
Woman eats 6 pound hamburger
This, by the way, is about the size of the average baby. Which, um, is a little disgusting.
This is the year I'm going to stop drinking....unless it turns out to be as effective as flossing.
Listerine Drinker gets DUI
"Your honor....my client could not possibly be as drunk as I am"
Drunk Lawyer defends DUI Client
That's it guys, as I blogged both days this weekend. Have a great MLK Day!
Woman eats 6 pound hamburger
This, by the way, is about the size of the average baby. Which, um, is a little disgusting.
This is the year I'm going to stop drinking....unless it turns out to be as effective as flossing.
Listerine Drinker gets DUI
"Your honor....my client could not possibly be as drunk as I am"
Drunk Lawyer defends DUI Client
That's it guys, as I blogged both days this weekend. Have a great MLK Day!
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Arrival of “the gift”
As I mentioned in my January 5th blog, my psychotic friend Furry seems to think I fuck sheep. She also sent me a gift that is just “perfect for me.” I received said gift yesterday. I guessed that she got me a sheep and heat, which turned out to be correct. I received a very wooly sheep with a big hole on the bottom so that if I had a dick, I could stick it in.
Yes, I really did type that.
This concerns me on many levels. This means not only is Furry convinced that
she ABSOLUTELY MUST FIND potentially fuckable sheep to send me, but ones that will satisfy some sort of latent lesbian bestiality fetish she rationalizes that I have. Furry, really, you should know I’m more of a receiver. At least send me one with a tongue. Sheesh!
But aside from the horniness, the sheep is very cute
It is a statue of two sheep, a mother and a baby. Or they are conjoined twins and one has untreatable gigantism.
And now for something completely different….
This site has some pretty interesting personality tests. I personally took the Famous Leader test - all three versions. I received three different answers. Apparently, I’m simultaneously Albert Einstein, JFK, and Saddaam Hussein. None of whom, I might add, were best known for sheep fucking.
As I mentioned in my January 5th blog, my psychotic friend Furry seems to think I fuck sheep. She also sent me a gift that is just “perfect for me.” I received said gift yesterday. I guessed that she got me a sheep and heat, which turned out to be correct. I received a very wooly sheep with a big hole on the bottom so that if I had a dick, I could stick it in.
Yes, I really did type that.
This concerns me on many levels. This means not only is Furry convinced that
she ABSOLUTELY MUST FIND potentially fuckable sheep to send me, but ones that will satisfy some sort of latent lesbian bestiality fetish she rationalizes that I have. Furry, really, you should know I’m more of a receiver. At least send me one with a tongue. Sheesh!
But aside from the horniness, the sheep is very cute
It is a statue of two sheep, a mother and a baby. Or they are conjoined twins and one has untreatable gigantism.
And now for something completely different….
This site has some pretty interesting personality tests. I personally took the Famous Leader test - all three versions. I received three different answers. Apparently, I’m simultaneously Albert Einstein, JFK, and Saddaam Hussein. None of whom, I might add, were best known for sheep fucking.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
DVD-Bonanza!
So, I haven’t bought myself anything fun in a couple weeks, so I went to Best Buy and bought some DVDs. Here’s what I picked up:
Anchorman
Open Water
The Comedy of Terrors/ The Raven
Clueless
Punchline
High Fidelity
Now let’s be clear on some things. I hate Punchline. But it was only 5.99. And it is the worst, most utterly unrealistic movie ever made and ever will be made about comedy. Therefore, I had to buy it. This brand of logical thought is acquired in film school.
The Comedy of Terrors - well, that’s a given. It is the best horror-comedy movie ever, which is due to the fact it stars Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathbone, and Boris Karloff. The premise alone is hysterical. Price and Lorre own a funeral company that isn‘t getting a lot of business. So they start killing people, because, you know, no one would pick up on that trend. Basil Rathbone plays one of their victims who simply refuses to die, and therefore they must spend a great deal of the movie convincing him that he is dead. Surely, a staple for everyone’s video shelf.
Do you know when you are deficient of a vitamin or mineral, you tend to crave food that contains those nutrients? That happened at Best Buy. My video collection chose Clueless as it was severely deficient of “whatevers” and Paul Rudd.
Ah…..how I love being on Classic Horror's review staff
Because not only do we review movies like Orca: The Killer Whale, we find the most hilarious movie poster to accompany the review. It seriously looks like a promotion piece for When Plankton Attack.
Oh, and if that’s not enough…..Orca got a stellar (not to mention, eloquently written) review by us. Obviously, quality is of the upmost importance at Classic Horror.
In conclusion…
Don’t think I didn’t look for Orca at Best Buy. Surprisingly, it was not in stock.
So, I haven’t bought myself anything fun in a couple weeks, so I went to Best Buy and bought some DVDs. Here’s what I picked up:
Anchorman
Open Water
The Comedy of Terrors/ The Raven
Clueless
Punchline
High Fidelity
Now let’s be clear on some things. I hate Punchline. But it was only 5.99. And it is the worst, most utterly unrealistic movie ever made and ever will be made about comedy. Therefore, I had to buy it. This brand of logical thought is acquired in film school.
The Comedy of Terrors - well, that’s a given. It is the best horror-comedy movie ever, which is due to the fact it stars Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Basil Rathbone, and Boris Karloff. The premise alone is hysterical. Price and Lorre own a funeral company that isn‘t getting a lot of business. So they start killing people, because, you know, no one would pick up on that trend. Basil Rathbone plays one of their victims who simply refuses to die, and therefore they must spend a great deal of the movie convincing him that he is dead. Surely, a staple for everyone’s video shelf.
Do you know when you are deficient of a vitamin or mineral, you tend to crave food that contains those nutrients? That happened at Best Buy. My video collection chose Clueless as it was severely deficient of “whatevers” and Paul Rudd.
Ah…..how I love being on Classic Horror's review staff
Because not only do we review movies like Orca: The Killer Whale, we find the most hilarious movie poster to accompany the review. It seriously looks like a promotion piece for When Plankton Attack.
Oh, and if that’s not enough…..Orca got a stellar (not to mention, eloquently written) review by us. Obviously, quality is of the upmost importance at Classic Horror.
In conclusion…
Don’t think I didn’t look for Orca at Best Buy. Surprisingly, it was not in stock.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Dispatches from Jenn’s Netflix Queue
I strongly recommend that if you haven’t yet seen Open Water, that you do so. I personally wanted to see how they were going to keep my attention with 80 minutes of 2 people floating in the ocean (which is quite a bit harder than, say, 3 teenagers lost in the woods with an exacerbated witch following them). But they did it quite well. Being someone who knows her share of shark behavior since her father, an avid Shark Week watcher, provides her with the shark play-by-play throughout the week's telephonic conversations, I was happy they made the movie more cohesive to how sharks would really react to 2 presumably tasty scuba divers trapped in the water. The realism alone made it more effective than other shark tales - even Jaws. Don’t get me wrong, Jaws was the first and is still the best, but there’s only so many times you can ask, “Tell me again why they just don‘t stay on land?” This question was obliterated in Open Water as they were left in the middle of the ocean where one does not commonly find land to stay on.
No other news…
As it is very early in the morning, and news hasn’t happened yet.
I strongly recommend that if you haven’t yet seen Open Water, that you do so. I personally wanted to see how they were going to keep my attention with 80 minutes of 2 people floating in the ocean (which is quite a bit harder than, say, 3 teenagers lost in the woods with an exacerbated witch following them). But they did it quite well. Being someone who knows her share of shark behavior since her father, an avid Shark Week watcher, provides her with the shark play-by-play throughout the week's telephonic conversations, I was happy they made the movie more cohesive to how sharks would really react to 2 presumably tasty scuba divers trapped in the water. The realism alone made it more effective than other shark tales - even Jaws. Don’t get me wrong, Jaws was the first and is still the best, but there’s only so many times you can ask, “Tell me again why they just don‘t stay on land?” This question was obliterated in Open Water as they were left in the middle of the ocean where one does not commonly find land to stay on.
No other news…
As it is very early in the morning, and news hasn’t happened yet.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
New Food Guide Pyramid is Coming
In reality, not much has changed. The only really new recommendations are to eat 3 servings of whole grain foods and restrict trans fats. Oh, and they boosted fruits and vegetable servings to 5-13 per day - 5 if you are a very small adult female, 13 if you are an adult stegosaurus.
Um, seriously...13? That's over 4 servings per meal. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big advocate of the produce department being a member of those-who-do-not-eat-meat, but if 13-a-day is your requirement you might as well get hooked up to chemotherapy now.
Yes Virgnia, It Was Will Ferrell's Finest Hour
Watched Anchorman last night. Good god, this is going to be a cult classic. I kind of consider Will Ferrell to be the Johnny Depp of comedy films as his performance is always worth watching despite how utterly shitty the rest of the movie is (aka Elf and movies that rhymes with Shoelander). Not to mention he is one of the few guys who can just deliver the hell out of the most insane piece of dialogue. So, I usually end up seeing everything he's in. Thank the fucking maker this movie came through for him, because I seriously could not stand another 90 minutes of his talent wasted on some variation of Will Ferrell - Hollywood's Retarded Man-Child.
Anchorman was great because he played a character atypical for him (a chauvinistic news anchor with kung fu grip) and he was dynamite. And - another Ferrell Film rarity - his co-stars were just as good (who the hell ever thought Christina Applegate could be funny????). The script? Picture Kevin Smith in Clerks years meeting with Douglas Adams from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. That is about the level of hysterically arbitrary dialogue we're talking about. Personally, I am in on the DVD just so I can hear: "The Human Torch was denied a bank loan." whenever I want.
In reality, not much has changed. The only really new recommendations are to eat 3 servings of whole grain foods and restrict trans fats. Oh, and they boosted fruits and vegetable servings to 5-13 per day - 5 if you are a very small adult female, 13 if you are an adult stegosaurus.
Um, seriously...13? That's over 4 servings per meal. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big advocate of the produce department being a member of those-who-do-not-eat-meat, but if 13-a-day is your requirement you might as well get hooked up to chemotherapy now.
Yes Virgnia, It Was Will Ferrell's Finest Hour
Watched Anchorman last night. Good god, this is going to be a cult classic. I kind of consider Will Ferrell to be the Johnny Depp of comedy films as his performance is always worth watching despite how utterly shitty the rest of the movie is (aka Elf and movies that rhymes with Shoelander). Not to mention he is one of the few guys who can just deliver the hell out of the most insane piece of dialogue. So, I usually end up seeing everything he's in. Thank the fucking maker this movie came through for him, because I seriously could not stand another 90 minutes of his talent wasted on some variation of Will Ferrell - Hollywood's Retarded Man-Child.
Anchorman was great because he played a character atypical for him (a chauvinistic news anchor with kung fu grip) and he was dynamite. And - another Ferrell Film rarity - his co-stars were just as good (who the hell ever thought Christina Applegate could be funny????). The script? Picture Kevin Smith in Clerks years meeting with Douglas Adams from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. That is about the level of hysterically arbitrary dialogue we're talking about. Personally, I am in on the DVD just so I can hear: "The Human Torch was denied a bank loan." whenever I want.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Slight Correction
BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!
Gene informed me that Cambridge schools as well as many of the schools in Boston were not closed last week. So my statement of "everything south of the Northern tip of Maine" yesterday would have been more accurate if I said "everything south of the Bunker Hill Monument." We are sorry for the inaccuracy. Of course I still think Gene is a big pussy, but that's because he really is a catperson.
BWA-HAHAHAHAHA!
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
General Conclusion of the Day
It seems as though New Englanders are big pussies. Not actual big pussies of course as that would imply that New Englanders are primarily either catpeople or primitive cannibal women – neither of which seems to be the case. I am referring to their general view toward snow. Last week all the schools south of the northern tip of Maine closed due to one inch of snow. Let me repeat….ONE FRICKIN’ INCH - as in the level of snow one may find on any given day in a standard household freezer. And as New Englanders were collectively scrambling to get their children to day cares, grandparents, and whatnot, it meant the roadways were especially fun with one inch of snow on the ground. Especially considering that New Englanders - capable of driving only two speeds, Parked and Formula One Training – erred on the side of caution and collectively chose to commute in Parked mode on the thruway until either the snow melted or a groundhog stopped by and gave them hopeful news.
Today I heard a Boston radio announcer ask “We’re getting more snow?” in the same confused tone which one might ask, “Was that Bigfoot?” I’m not sure why snow is such a primal fear here as 1) we are considered a Northern state and snow is relatively commonplace 2) snow has roughly the same texture as the main ingrediant in one of our popular pastimes, cocaine trafficking (a little factoid…George Jung, the infamous cocaine dealer, was originally from Weymouth, MA. We are very proud.). After her confused stupor, she announced a “winter storm warning” for 1-3 inches of snow. Newsflash…1-3 inches of snow is not a “winter storm warning” – it’s “winter.” The title “winter” assumes that some snow will fall as one typically does not navigate one’s car in a 75-mile catapult down an ravine in, say, July. A winter snow warning is when one’s commute consists of navigating one’s car exclusively in a vortex only to arrive home and realize the snow is a tad deeper than one had thought as indicated by the inadvertent parking of one’s car on the garage roof. Please take note of this difference, Boston weatherman.
It seems as though New Englanders are big pussies. Not actual big pussies of course as that would imply that New Englanders are primarily either catpeople or primitive cannibal women – neither of which seems to be the case. I am referring to their general view toward snow. Last week all the schools south of the northern tip of Maine closed due to one inch of snow. Let me repeat….ONE FRICKIN’ INCH - as in the level of snow one may find on any given day in a standard household freezer. And as New Englanders were collectively scrambling to get their children to day cares, grandparents, and whatnot, it meant the roadways were especially fun with one inch of snow on the ground. Especially considering that New Englanders - capable of driving only two speeds, Parked and Formula One Training – erred on the side of caution and collectively chose to commute in Parked mode on the thruway until either the snow melted or a groundhog stopped by and gave them hopeful news.
Today I heard a Boston radio announcer ask “We’re getting more snow?” in the same confused tone which one might ask, “Was that Bigfoot?” I’m not sure why snow is such a primal fear here as 1) we are considered a Northern state and snow is relatively commonplace 2) snow has roughly the same texture as the main ingrediant in one of our popular pastimes, cocaine trafficking (a little factoid…George Jung, the infamous cocaine dealer, was originally from Weymouth, MA. We are very proud.). After her confused stupor, she announced a “winter storm warning” for 1-3 inches of snow. Newsflash…1-3 inches of snow is not a “winter storm warning” – it’s “winter.” The title “winter” assumes that some snow will fall as one typically does not navigate one’s car in a 75-mile catapult down an ravine in, say, July. A winter snow warning is when one’s commute consists of navigating one’s car exclusively in a vortex only to arrive home and realize the snow is a tad deeper than one had thought as indicated by the inadvertent parking of one’s car on the garage roof. Please take note of this difference, Boston weatherman.
Monday, January 10, 2005
That's what Friends are For
Man stabs old best friend - found him on Friends Reunited website
Superheroification progressing
I flexed today and realized something. I've got guns. Lard covered guns, but guns. So my goal for today is finding someone willing to arm wrestle or a very big jar of pickles to open.
Culturing myself
This last year or so, I've been trying to read classical pieces of literature that I either 1) never got to read in high school or college 2) forgot that I read in high school or college 3) Never actually read in high school or college as Cliff Notes did it for me. So for Christmas, Mom and Dad got me a bunch of those pocket-sized hard covered classics that Barnes and Nobles has out. They are about 3/4 the size of a mass market paperback and they sell for $4.95. You've probably seen them toward the checkout area. Or perhaps thought they were coasters.
So I started reading The Count of the Monte Cristo. So far? Exquisite. None of the typical classic literary snafus of having random entire chapters describing the city skyline or perhaps the antics of an average turtle crossing the road (Grapes of Wrath's major faux pas). Well, I can't really say that as it is an abridged version. But this was a good judgment choice by Barnes and Nobles as the unabridged version is multi-voluminous which would not fit into a pocket if one is not a kangaroo. Even still...shit. The prose just flows. No wonder it withstood the test of time.
Now if only someone could explain why The Iliad has not met The Grim Bookburner yet....
Man stabs old best friend - found him on Friends Reunited website
Superheroification progressing
I flexed today and realized something. I've got guns. Lard covered guns, but guns. So my goal for today is finding someone willing to arm wrestle or a very big jar of pickles to open.
Culturing myself
This last year or so, I've been trying to read classical pieces of literature that I either 1) never got to read in high school or college 2) forgot that I read in high school or college 3) Never actually read in high school or college as Cliff Notes did it for me. So for Christmas, Mom and Dad got me a bunch of those pocket-sized hard covered classics that Barnes and Nobles has out. They are about 3/4 the size of a mass market paperback and they sell for $4.95. You've probably seen them toward the checkout area. Or perhaps thought they were coasters.
So I started reading The Count of the Monte Cristo. So far? Exquisite. None of the typical classic literary snafus of having random entire chapters describing the city skyline or perhaps the antics of an average turtle crossing the road (Grapes of Wrath's major faux pas). Well, I can't really say that as it is an abridged version. But this was a good judgment choice by Barnes and Nobles as the unabridged version is multi-voluminous which would not fit into a pocket if one is not a kangaroo. Even still...shit. The prose just flows. No wonder it withstood the test of time.
Now if only someone could explain why The Iliad has not met The Grim Bookburner yet....
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Interesting
So I was feeling rather retro today, so I wore my Ghostbusters tee shirt which is a rather simple black shirt with just the Ghostbusters logo on it. So this high school-ish kid comes up to me, looks at my shirt and says, “What….you don’t like ghosts or something?” He had absolutely no clue. Ummm….is there really a movie logo more recognizable than Ghostbusters short of , say, the bat signal?
This means only one thing. I’m officially old.
The good news is, I’ll soon be radioactive
Since I started lifting weights in effort to speed along my personal best fitness, my body has been efficiently building muscle. Unfortunately, said body also seems to be rather resistant in burning fat. So my waist of my pants and the torso portions of my shirts are getting looser and looser, but the arms and the thighs are getting tighter and tighter. Evidently my thyroid has a deep seated desire to become the She Hulk. Which is quite inconvenient, especially as Coppertone does not yet make sunscreen for green skin.
But hey, I finally saw Napoleon Dynamite
As per my friend Jason’s incessant recommendations, I finally saw it. And damn, it was good. I tend to like comedies that focus on one major aspect of high school years and parody the hell out of it. Heathers, for instance, did this quite effectively with teen suicide and bitch cliques. Napoleon Dynamite did it with geekiness and did it quite well. And it had one thing going for it that 99% of the comedies out there do not…..it was incredibly surreal. It felt like high school on acid (this should not be all that surprising given the MTV logo). I recommend it profusely if you are looking for something a little different. And for those that care about such things, it had the best opening credits ever.
But just so Jason doesn’t get a swelled head…
No way was it better than Clerks.
Dispatches from Jenn’s Netflix Queue
The Bourne Supremacy - Eh. I liked The Bourne Identity a lot better (before I get reamed, I did not read the books and will never do so. So please reserve the “But….but….they changed the book!” comments and bark up the tree of someone who cares.). Regardless, this kept my interest. And it was one of the better useless movies I’ve seen lately. It was an hour and 48 minutes of chasing Matt Damon. Really, there’s worse ways to pass the time.
Eye for an Eye - This is one I thought I didn’t see, but as it turned out I did see it and remembered the whole thing. Two fairly new observations:
1) Kiefer Sutherland makes one hell of a psycho serial rapist.
2) Did anyone else find the reaction of the family (with the exception of Sally Field) a little happy-go-lucky given the whole brutal-murder? For instance, the stepfather reacted to his murdered stepdaughter like he received an ant farm for his birthday.
So I was feeling rather retro today, so I wore my Ghostbusters tee shirt which is a rather simple black shirt with just the Ghostbusters logo on it. So this high school-ish kid comes up to me, looks at my shirt and says, “What….you don’t like ghosts or something?” He had absolutely no clue. Ummm….is there really a movie logo more recognizable than Ghostbusters short of , say, the bat signal?
This means only one thing. I’m officially old.
The good news is, I’ll soon be radioactive
Since I started lifting weights in effort to speed along my personal best fitness, my body has been efficiently building muscle. Unfortunately, said body also seems to be rather resistant in burning fat. So my waist of my pants and the torso portions of my shirts are getting looser and looser, but the arms and the thighs are getting tighter and tighter. Evidently my thyroid has a deep seated desire to become the She Hulk. Which is quite inconvenient, especially as Coppertone does not yet make sunscreen for green skin.
But hey, I finally saw Napoleon Dynamite
As per my friend Jason’s incessant recommendations, I finally saw it. And damn, it was good. I tend to like comedies that focus on one major aspect of high school years and parody the hell out of it. Heathers, for instance, did this quite effectively with teen suicide and bitch cliques. Napoleon Dynamite did it with geekiness and did it quite well. And it had one thing going for it that 99% of the comedies out there do not…..it was incredibly surreal. It felt like high school on acid (this should not be all that surprising given the MTV logo). I recommend it profusely if you are looking for something a little different. And for those that care about such things, it had the best opening credits ever.
But just so Jason doesn’t get a swelled head…
No way was it better than Clerks.
Dispatches from Jenn’s Netflix Queue
The Bourne Supremacy - Eh. I liked The Bourne Identity a lot better (before I get reamed, I did not read the books and will never do so. So please reserve the “But….but….they changed the book!” comments and bark up the tree of someone who cares.). Regardless, this kept my interest. And it was one of the better useless movies I’ve seen lately. It was an hour and 48 minutes of chasing Matt Damon. Really, there’s worse ways to pass the time.
Eye for an Eye - This is one I thought I didn’t see, but as it turned out I did see it and remembered the whole thing. Two fairly new observations:
1) Kiefer Sutherland makes one hell of a psycho serial rapist.
2) Did anyone else find the reaction of the family (with the exception of Sally Field) a little happy-go-lucky given the whole brutal-murder? For instance, the stepfather reacted to his murdered stepdaughter like he received an ant farm for his birthday.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Oh, I could not resist.
Friend Suzette works at the Patriot Ledger and is writing an article about bedding. She (obviously not thinking) asked me to submit something to the article regarding my choice in bedding. As in a useful comment. This is what I sent her.
I sleep in a racecar bed in which the mattress is made exclusively out of nails (this was a special order item and is often backordered. Be vigilant with your request. Use force, if necessary). My old pillows unfortunately were giving me neck pain. This would not do as I have enough insomnia, and one needs a soft pillow to fall into slumber. Therefore, while on my last commercial airline flight, I made it a point to open my window and pull in the fluffiest cloud I could find (My deepest regrets the the person sharing the seat next to me. She seemed to have issues with the sudden change in pressure). But, the cloud (it's a cumulonimbus cloud in case you are in the market) is working out quite well. Well, when I can find it, that is. I have caught it many a times trying to escape out the window (especially during stormy nights). Not to mention, for reasons unknown to me it seems to have developed a fetish for the western portion of my high ceilings.
Think it will get printed?
Friend Suzette works at the Patriot Ledger and is writing an article about bedding. She (obviously not thinking) asked me to submit something to the article regarding my choice in bedding. As in a useful comment. This is what I sent her.
I sleep in a racecar bed in which the mattress is made exclusively out of nails (this was a special order item and is often backordered. Be vigilant with your request. Use force, if necessary). My old pillows unfortunately were giving me neck pain. This would not do as I have enough insomnia, and one needs a soft pillow to fall into slumber. Therefore, while on my last commercial airline flight, I made it a point to open my window and pull in the fluffiest cloud I could find (My deepest regrets the the person sharing the seat next to me. She seemed to have issues with the sudden change in pressure). But, the cloud (it's a cumulonimbus cloud in case you are in the market) is working out quite well. Well, when I can find it, that is. I have caught it many a times trying to escape out the window (especially during stormy nights). Not to mention, for reasons unknown to me it seems to have developed a fetish for the western portion of my high ceilings.
Think it will get printed?
Fear Factor Sued - Episode Caused Man to Puke
I challenge you to read this statement without laughing:
He said the show caused his blood pressure to rise so high that he became dizzy and light-headed, and when he ran away to his room, he bumped his head into the doorway.
Don't you have the tiniest twinge of sympathy in that loathsome abyss known as your coronary system's headquarters?
Well, whatever bit I had got thrown out the window when I saw this statement from the complainant:
"I am not at liberty to discuss the complaint unless it is a paid-interview situation."
Did we learn nothing from I,Robot?
South Korea Makes Robot that Thinks Like a Human
I challenge you to read this statement without laughing:
He said the show caused his blood pressure to rise so high that he became dizzy and light-headed, and when he ran away to his room, he bumped his head into the doorway.
Don't you have the tiniest twinge of sympathy in that loathsome abyss known as your coronary system's headquarters?
Well, whatever bit I had got thrown out the window when I saw this statement from the complainant:
"I am not at liberty to discuss the complaint unless it is a paid-interview situation."
Did we learn nothing from I,Robot?
South Korea Makes Robot that Thinks Like a Human
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Sing Sing Prison - Now Open to Vactioners!
And the "oh my fucking god" moment when reading this article came at the last paragraph:
"It could be the Alcatraz of the east," Mulligan said, referring to the museum at the California prison, no longer in use. "This could trigger a whole wave of tourism."
Mexican Foreign Ministry puts out comic book for illegal immigrants
The 32-page color primer, published by Mexico's foreign ministry in December, gives would-be migrants tips including how to swim across the Rio Grande and avoid dehydration in the desert.
Oh, that's not even the best part. This is.
"The guide clearly states that the safe and appropriate way to enter any country is with a valid passport and a visa, and in no way promotes undocumented immigration."
Yeah, and Iraq improved international rapport.
So, how's that drama television script going?
It's doing quite well. Er...in my head. On paper? Not so much.
Writers block?
More like I kept getting interrupted by the call of the futon.
But apparently, my bestiality habits will get a jump start soon.
My friend Furry, who borders on mentally disturbed, seems to have it in her head that I fuck sheep. You know, like as a hobby. This stemmed from a frustrated discussion I had with her regarding the fact that I could not find a reasonably priced copy of Don Novello's (aka Father Guido Sarducchi) now out-of-print book: Blade: The Shellville High School Yearbook, which is a yearbook about a school of sheep. I believe I made an exclamation of "Is it that hard to get a couple pictures of underage sheep?" And hence, the sheep fucking rumor started.
So she disclosed to Amy (an equally tapped friend who seems to think sharks bark. Don't ask. I've stopped doing so for mental health purposes.) that she FOUND something just PERFECT for me. Even more perfect than what Furry sent Amy for Christmas, which as far as I can determine, is not possible. So I'm thinking I'm getting mailed a wool vibrator or a sheep shaped condom...or perhaps even a sheep in heat (Gene, if this sheep is a suitable enough suitor...I will make sure to donate it to Moki .) She also informed me that she bought it for less than a $1. So perhaps a used sheep condom.
So as I have no shame whatsoever (sticks tongue out to Furry), I'll disclose my package content here as soon as I get it. Unless of course it's something like an underage Latin Pool Boy with a jar of Cool Whip, because I'd have to turn him over to the authorities.
And the "oh my fucking god" moment when reading this article came at the last paragraph:
"It could be the Alcatraz of the east," Mulligan said, referring to the museum at the California prison, no longer in use. "This could trigger a whole wave of tourism."
Mexican Foreign Ministry puts out comic book for illegal immigrants
The 32-page color primer, published by Mexico's foreign ministry in December, gives would-be migrants tips including how to swim across the Rio Grande and avoid dehydration in the desert.
Oh, that's not even the best part. This is.
"The guide clearly states that the safe and appropriate way to enter any country is with a valid passport and a visa, and in no way promotes undocumented immigration."
Yeah, and Iraq improved international rapport.
So, how's that drama television script going?
It's doing quite well. Er...in my head. On paper? Not so much.
Writers block?
More like I kept getting interrupted by the call of the futon.
But apparently, my bestiality habits will get a jump start soon.
My friend Furry, who borders on mentally disturbed, seems to have it in her head that I fuck sheep. You know, like as a hobby. This stemmed from a frustrated discussion I had with her regarding the fact that I could not find a reasonably priced copy of Don Novello's (aka Father Guido Sarducchi) now out-of-print book: Blade: The Shellville High School Yearbook, which is a yearbook about a school of sheep. I believe I made an exclamation of "Is it that hard to get a couple pictures of underage sheep?" And hence, the sheep fucking rumor started.
So she disclosed to Amy (an equally tapped friend who seems to think sharks bark. Don't ask. I've stopped doing so for mental health purposes.) that she FOUND something just PERFECT for me. Even more perfect than what Furry sent Amy for Christmas, which as far as I can determine, is not possible. So I'm thinking I'm getting mailed a wool vibrator or a sheep shaped condom...or perhaps even a sheep in heat (Gene, if this sheep is a suitable enough suitor...I will make sure to donate it to Moki .) She also informed me that she bought it for less than a $1. So perhaps a used sheep condom.
So as I have no shame whatsoever (sticks tongue out to Furry), I'll disclose my package content here as soon as I get it. Unless of course it's something like an underage Latin Pool Boy with a jar of Cool Whip, because I'd have to turn him over to the authorities.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Silence, Muse!
For the first time in my entire life, my right brain is actually causing me stress instead of its more common function, relieving stress. Frankly, it will not shut up. Not only have I gotten brilliantesque ideas for the sitcom I'm currently working on, I've also received outlines via creative juices for:
- 1 script idea for a popular television drama
- 2 new books with full plot lines and character development
- A sequel to Public Health Disturbance
- 3 short stories
- 1 movie script
- Undetermined number of humor articles
This is ordinarily is quite a good thing, but unfortunately I am quite aware how my typing fingers operate. Namely, if I do not type the manuscript for said fruitful idea within approximately 3 days of having it, it gets discarded and or forgotten in the Southern portion of my cranium otherwise known as "The Dumping Ground for Jenn's Rejected or Otherwise Unfulfilled Ideas." This is because it only takes three days for Jenn's Dissenting Remark Committee to be put into action (whose greatest hits include "Where do you think you're going to find an agent for this crap?" and "This movie script will only get made if it stars Freddy Prinze, Jr"). Not to mention, the Dissenting Remark Committee currently has an undisputed winning streak over my muse. As I look at the list above, I am clearly not going to make the three day mark on many of these genius ideas prior to the arrival of the Dissenting Remarks Committee, despite my attempts to go a full three days without sleep, sustenance, or release of bodily waste. I have made peace with this fact. What I have NOT made peace with is the fact that my muse is completely gungho on the fact that I ABSOLUTELY MUST WRITE RIGHT NOW the script for a current drama television show....so much so that is interfering with fulfilling the rest of the list (all members of the humor genre, which quite frankly I would rather be writing). And even when I get to a point where I can suppress this urge, the muse subtly reminds me that most television writers get their start by freelancing for current television shows, and by doing so will greatly enhance the likelihood I'll be able to get my own show.
I hate having the capacity for logical thought.
So I'm giving in...
I have not written drama-without-any-humor since I was....oh...19 or so. So I doubt I'm any good at it. But, in the interest of preserving what little time I have left from my overactive muse in the capacity of humor writing, I'm going to give this drama-television-show script a shot. And I'll make sure to add some cream pies and seltzer bottles. Obviously, my muse needs a lesson in respecting authority.
For the first time in my entire life, my right brain is actually causing me stress instead of its more common function, relieving stress. Frankly, it will not shut up. Not only have I gotten brilliantesque ideas for the sitcom I'm currently working on, I've also received outlines via creative juices for:
- 1 script idea for a popular television drama
- 2 new books with full plot lines and character development
- A sequel to Public Health Disturbance
- 3 short stories
- 1 movie script
- Undetermined number of humor articles
This is ordinarily is quite a good thing, but unfortunately I am quite aware how my typing fingers operate. Namely, if I do not type the manuscript for said fruitful idea within approximately 3 days of having it, it gets discarded and or forgotten in the Southern portion of my cranium otherwise known as "The Dumping Ground for Jenn's Rejected or Otherwise Unfulfilled Ideas." This is because it only takes three days for Jenn's Dissenting Remark Committee to be put into action (whose greatest hits include "Where do you think you're going to find an agent for this crap?" and "This movie script will only get made if it stars Freddy Prinze, Jr"). Not to mention, the Dissenting Remark Committee currently has an undisputed winning streak over my muse. As I look at the list above, I am clearly not going to make the three day mark on many of these genius ideas prior to the arrival of the Dissenting Remarks Committee, despite my attempts to go a full three days without sleep, sustenance, or release of bodily waste. I have made peace with this fact. What I have NOT made peace with is the fact that my muse is completely gungho on the fact that I ABSOLUTELY MUST WRITE RIGHT NOW the script for a current drama television show....so much so that is interfering with fulfilling the rest of the list (all members of the humor genre, which quite frankly I would rather be writing). And even when I get to a point where I can suppress this urge, the muse subtly reminds me that most television writers get their start by freelancing for current television shows, and by doing so will greatly enhance the likelihood I'll be able to get my own show.
I hate having the capacity for logical thought.
So I'm giving in...
I have not written drama-without-any-humor since I was....oh...19 or so. So I doubt I'm any good at it. But, in the interest of preserving what little time I have left from my overactive muse in the capacity of humor writing, I'm going to give this drama-television-show script a shot. And I'll make sure to add some cream pies and seltzer bottles. Obviously, my muse needs a lesson in respecting authority.
Monday, January 03, 2005
This just in...
Gene is sick. So go and read his website to make him feel better.
And that is my newsflash of the day.
Which should give you some indication how stimulating this blog entry will be.
Day 3, Disk 6
I finally got almost to the end of Law and Order:SVU First Year DVD set. USA apparently has a not-so-secret fetish with the first year of SVU as these are the episodes they play in a continuous loop (continuous is defined as anytime they are not playing MONK). So, unbeknownst to me prior to receiving the collection, I saw all these episodes previously. This somewhat pissed me off because Law and Order is one of those shows that should be filmed daily, much like The Tonight Show, as there is really no reason whatsoever to see reruns. Unless of course you had GI disturbance and listened to the last 15 minutes of an episode on the commode with frequent interruptions of positive bowel sounds.
But overall, it was a nice box set. And perhaps in a couple years when a SVU episode isn't starting every 15 minutes in syndication land (apparently, Wolf Films is striving to be The Simpsons of cops dramas), I may even watch them again.
Next up...
Homicide Life on the Streets Seasons 1 and 2. Just so I can lament on how cool John Munch was before Dick Wolf got his hands on him.
And a brief little piece of trivia that no one cares about.
Did you know that Richard Belzer (aka John Munch) is married to Harlee McBride (aka Alyssa Dyer from Homicide: Life on the Streets)? Which would somewhat explain why he got the job. Or she got the job. Or....whatever. It's just no damn coincidence, allright?
Gene is sick. So go and read his website to make him feel better.
And that is my newsflash of the day.
Which should give you some indication how stimulating this blog entry will be.
Day 3, Disk 6
I finally got almost to the end of Law and Order:SVU First Year DVD set. USA apparently has a not-so-secret fetish with the first year of SVU as these are the episodes they play in a continuous loop (continuous is defined as anytime they are not playing MONK). So, unbeknownst to me prior to receiving the collection, I saw all these episodes previously. This somewhat pissed me off because Law and Order is one of those shows that should be filmed daily, much like The Tonight Show, as there is really no reason whatsoever to see reruns. Unless of course you had GI disturbance and listened to the last 15 minutes of an episode on the commode with frequent interruptions of positive bowel sounds.
But overall, it was a nice box set. And perhaps in a couple years when a SVU episode isn't starting every 15 minutes in syndication land (apparently, Wolf Films is striving to be The Simpsons of cops dramas), I may even watch them again.
Next up...
Homicide Life on the Streets Seasons 1 and 2. Just so I can lament on how cool John Munch was before Dick Wolf got his hands on him.
And a brief little piece of trivia that no one cares about.
Did you know that Richard Belzer (aka John Munch) is married to Harlee McBride (aka Alyssa Dyer from Homicide: Life on the Streets)? Which would somewhat explain why he got the job. Or she got the job. Or....whatever. It's just no damn coincidence, allright?
Sunday, January 02, 2005
Dear Netflix,
I have been a fairly loyal customer of about three months, and I am quite happy with your services. You have been quite unfaltering with my demands of finding me movies and bringing them directly to my home. In fact, you have been so receptive to my orders that I have been considering becoming a member of royalty or an oppressive dictator of some kind. If this does come to pass, I will surely remember you during my reign and of course inform you of my address change.
My only problem is your rather lackluster foresight. I, of course, am talking about my movie recommendations. You seem rather hell bent on bombarding me with recommendations for movies that I quite frankly have no desire watching. I'm not sure why you do this, because if I wanted to watch it I would have already added it to my queue (and you seem to have some confidence in my ability to navigate your site adequately, especially as I managed to give you my credit card number correctly on the first try). Your latest, and dare I say, worst infraction was a movie called Fargo. I'm not sure what information you have about me that made you determine I would like this movie since I:
- haven't rented anything by the Coen Brothers EVER.
- or Steve Bushemi or William H. Macy
- do not speak Minnesotian
- have never indicated that I find "Yah!" 67 times in a row to be "meaningful dialog"
- do not have any inclination toward movies with massive amounts of snow in them
- do not currently have any fetish for pregnant sheriffs with annoying accents
Needless to say, I wasted a total of 98 minutes on this attempted comedy/mystery/true-ish documentary/doesn't know what the hell it is film, that I will never get back. The only things I learned were:
- the sound of a woodchipper is like a mating call to pregnant sheriffs.
- do not hire kidnappers from Minnesota. They are rather whiny, and like to change the rules to fix plot holes.
- Asian men exist in Minnesota for cultural diversity and to create more plot holes (preferably before the kidnappers notice and need to change the rules again).
Honestly, this was information I could go my whole life without.
Occasionally, you are on the money (The Graduate, for instance), but for the most part you are more than a tad off. In my humble opinion, you appear to leap to conclusions a bit too quickly. Simply because I gave Taxi Driver 5 stars, does not necessarily mean that I ABSOLUTELY MUST VIEW RIGHT NOW Robert DeNiro in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. As it stands, I currently have 158 or so movies on my list. I believe this, along with the fact that I have been renting movies without your assistance for quite some time now, is all the proof you need to assure yourself that I am completely capable of knowing what movies I would like to view. So please stop making recommendations for me, and just do what you do best - get movies to me in a time-warpish manner. Thank you.
Your movie dictator,
Jenn
Dispatches from Jenn's Netflix Queue
The reason this little mini column hasn't been updated lately is because I've had 3 movies from Netflix sitting in my apartment for about 6 weeks. Which is rather stupid as I paid for the same 3 movies for 2 payment cycles now. I finally got the chance to watch them, and here are my reviews.
Fargo - Obviously, you have ADD. You are now eligible for a prescription for Ritilin.
High Fidelity - It was like Bridget Jones Diary, but with a guy. I completely dug it. John Cusack is damn good anyway, but this was probably one of his best performances outside of Being John Malkovich. It was film about a cute subject that wasn't cutesy. I'm in on the DVD.
Taxi Driver - Holy crap. I almost sent this one back unwatched because I thought that it wasn't my cup of tea. I am so glad I threw it in. Fucking phenomenal. And the beautiful part? Almost nothing happens for the first hour, yet I was still glued to the screen. I cannot even explain to non-film majors and/or non-writers how hard it is to achieve that balance. The Graduate was my top choice for drama flicks I saw in 2004. Taxi Driver is top honor for 2005. And yes, damnit, I can say that already. Nothing I will watch this year will even come close. Mark my words.
Happy New Year everyone!
I have been a fairly loyal customer of about three months, and I am quite happy with your services. You have been quite unfaltering with my demands of finding me movies and bringing them directly to my home. In fact, you have been so receptive to my orders that I have been considering becoming a member of royalty or an oppressive dictator of some kind. If this does come to pass, I will surely remember you during my reign and of course inform you of my address change.
My only problem is your rather lackluster foresight. I, of course, am talking about my movie recommendations. You seem rather hell bent on bombarding me with recommendations for movies that I quite frankly have no desire watching. I'm not sure why you do this, because if I wanted to watch it I would have already added it to my queue (and you seem to have some confidence in my ability to navigate your site adequately, especially as I managed to give you my credit card number correctly on the first try). Your latest, and dare I say, worst infraction was a movie called Fargo. I'm not sure what information you have about me that made you determine I would like this movie since I:
- haven't rented anything by the Coen Brothers EVER.
- or Steve Bushemi or William H. Macy
- do not speak Minnesotian
- have never indicated that I find "Yah!" 67 times in a row to be "meaningful dialog"
- do not have any inclination toward movies with massive amounts of snow in them
- do not currently have any fetish for pregnant sheriffs with annoying accents
Needless to say, I wasted a total of 98 minutes on this attempted comedy/mystery/true-ish documentary/doesn't know what the hell it is film, that I will never get back. The only things I learned were:
- the sound of a woodchipper is like a mating call to pregnant sheriffs.
- do not hire kidnappers from Minnesota. They are rather whiny, and like to change the rules to fix plot holes.
- Asian men exist in Minnesota for cultural diversity and to create more plot holes (preferably before the kidnappers notice and need to change the rules again).
Honestly, this was information I could go my whole life without.
Occasionally, you are on the money (The Graduate, for instance), but for the most part you are more than a tad off. In my humble opinion, you appear to leap to conclusions a bit too quickly. Simply because I gave Taxi Driver 5 stars, does not necessarily mean that I ABSOLUTELY MUST VIEW RIGHT NOW Robert DeNiro in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. As it stands, I currently have 158 or so movies on my list. I believe this, along with the fact that I have been renting movies without your assistance for quite some time now, is all the proof you need to assure yourself that I am completely capable of knowing what movies I would like to view. So please stop making recommendations for me, and just do what you do best - get movies to me in a time-warpish manner. Thank you.
Your movie dictator,
Jenn
Dispatches from Jenn's Netflix Queue
The reason this little mini column hasn't been updated lately is because I've had 3 movies from Netflix sitting in my apartment for about 6 weeks. Which is rather stupid as I paid for the same 3 movies for 2 payment cycles now. I finally got the chance to watch them, and here are my reviews.
Fargo - Obviously, you have ADD. You are now eligible for a prescription for Ritilin.
High Fidelity - It was like Bridget Jones Diary, but with a guy. I completely dug it. John Cusack is damn good anyway, but this was probably one of his best performances outside of Being John Malkovich. It was film about a cute subject that wasn't cutesy. I'm in on the DVD.
Taxi Driver - Holy crap. I almost sent this one back unwatched because I thought that it wasn't my cup of tea. I am so glad I threw it in. Fucking phenomenal. And the beautiful part? Almost nothing happens for the first hour, yet I was still glued to the screen. I cannot even explain to non-film majors and/or non-writers how hard it is to achieve that balance. The Graduate was my top choice for drama flicks I saw in 2004. Taxi Driver is top honor for 2005. And yes, damnit, I can say that already. Nothing I will watch this year will even come close. Mark my words.
Happy New Year everyone!
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